Something to chew on

I wrote about Raul’s school and his liking to the new school he started this year here.

I recently read this article on his school here that I thought made an interesting read to share with you all. Everything the founder speaks in this article made total sense to me. Would love to hear some of your thoughts.

Navarathri – in pictures

Top left: Goddess Durga nestled and decorated with oleanders

Bottom Right: Priest chanting slokhas is lullaby to the dog’s ears

Just in case you are wondering: The one in the blue saree is yours truly!

Tough Love?

is how we try to get them to be stronger individuals…

Sands and Meg at the local art store. Meg drops an item from the shelf on the floor accidentally and a little cocky about getting to be taller than mom L

Sands: Meg, make sure you pick the item up and put it back on the shelf

Meg: Amma, I think you should do it since you are closer to the ground!

Sands: True, but I think you will get greater benefit if you do it. Will give you the practice you need those times in volleyball when you need to bend, drop and go for the ball that hits the ground a few feet from you and you just watch it in fascination

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OH, Sands and the kids playing table tennis. Kids giving me a hard time that they beat me in a game and they play much better.

Sands: At least I play better table tennis than the one at home that is trying to playing volleyball and the other that’s trying to play basketball.

At this comment, the older one begins to giggle and laugh and the younger one runs crying to the couch. When the younger one is told at least he has a reason that he hasn’t played basketball in 6 months and that it’s the sister who should be feeling bad, the older one says, it’s a good thing I know I play well J

(Obviously the younger one is a work in progress!!)

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It is now a custom

I wrote about it here a couple of years back. Every time Navarathri was round the corner the heart earned to do the things mom had got us sisters used to, all through childhood aka setting up the golu padi* with makeshift steps, climbing the attic to retrieve the dolls that were wrapped and boxed with much care from the previous year, lay the foundation for what would be the new theme of the year for the area next to the golu padi and all the other significant tasks that went with this lovely festival. But the in-laws had an equally compelling reason to not do any of these rituals that I had been raised with. Something about a bad omen that soon turned into an issue not worth fighting over.

In an effort to keep the spirit of the festival and do the same without offending anyone called for alternative options. It did not make sense to me to invite friends and family home, making them drive across town just to stop by for 5 minutes to pick up the vethalai pakku**. They already had many houses to visit and would much rather go to a home where there was a golu to see than one that had none. Then the thought occurred to invite the priest and do a pooja at home during this auspicious time and invite friends and family to participate and get the blessings from the pooja as well.

 Thus was born the idea back in 2009. Plans were made, the priest calendar was checked and time was blocked. Invitations were sent to friends and family and as is the case in this household the number of people kept increasing. First there was family, then there were friends, then there were the colleagues at work. Anyone who knows the OH can vouch for that fact that he will happily cook and feed every single acquaintance/stranger he meets :) Per grandma, his brother would joke that when the OH grew up beggars would line the entrance to his house, thanks to his generous will to feed! Just being part of his life over the years has made me accept this lovely nature of his and indulge him occasionally Navarathri is one such occasion, for sure.

So even in the first year, we had more than a 100 people attend the function. Since pooja food is prepared without onions, garlic and many such restrictions, I took it upon myself to cook on these occasions. Thanks to my mom’s extremely helpful recipes and scaling measurements I was able to pull off cooking n large scale. The second year coincided beautifully with grandma’s 70^th b’day and called for a two-fold celebration. Hence there were a lot of family members who joined us on this occasion.

Now we are at the third year. Each year has been so gratifying that the tradition has continued. It is now a custom in this household.  I look forward to it each year, plan and carefully implement each step. This is the third year and tomorrow is the big day. I plan to do this year what has eluded me each year in the frenzy. The camera will be handed over to the older child for some visual memories. The food has been planned and the preparations will begin in earnest this evening, The planned menu…

Tamarind Rice, Mixed vegetable rice, Coriander rice, Yogurt rice, Lemon rice, Sakkarai pongal, Vadai, Pumpkin Cucumber Raita, Squash mor kootu*** and Potato curry.

Wish me luck and I promise to bring you all back pictures of the event this year.

On that note, a very happy Navarathri to you all!

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* The steps that hold the dolls

** haldi kumkum for all the married women and the young girls

*** a yogurt based gravy with chayote squash

What do you watch for fun?

In our household there are a few shows that we watch as a family, others that interests each of us and some others we endure to respect the interests of grandpa and grandma. It is hard not to miss the melodrama in these shows even if you go as far away from the idiot box as possible

As I start typing this post, it occurred to me that I could make this interactive & fun. I will list here what shows this family enjoys and you can either tell me the ones that are favorites in your home in the comments section or by making a post of it and sending me the link if you blog as well.

Family shows (when in season) – ofcourse it has to be all about food!

• The Next Food Network Star
• The Next Iron Chef
• Challenge
• Chopped
• Restaurant Impossible

Dramas (Meg & Sands)

• Grey’s Anatomy
• Bones (Meg – a medical drama junkie)

Talent scouting

• Dancing with the Stars
• American Idol
• Just Dance
• Airtel Super Singer

Home & Garden

• The Next Design Star
• House Hunters International

For kicks

• Neeya Naana (they come up with some interesting topics)

Humor

• Wipeout

So tell me people, what are some of your favorite shows on TV?

Parenting – all about afterthoughts?

Action -  Working early hours to ensure I leave on time and drive like a maniac to attend Meg’s freshman volleyball games. Return home in a ready to yell at everyone an exhausted state 14-15 hours after I left it in the morning.  

Afterthought: Every time I want to get frustrated with this crazy schedule, a scarier thought comes to mind that in just a few years she will be gone to college and won’t need me to cart her around and I find renewed energy to do the long drawn out commutes.

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Action – Lecturing & advising that she stop making mistakes on court while I still make mistakes in life and while at it, compensate for every mistake her friends make, and turn each and every game into a win for her team.

Afterthought: Realization that she is only a freshman and cannot do well in a team sport till every other player does their part and that mistakes are the secret of success

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Action – Screaming at the kids on a regular basis to keep their rooms looking more like a room than a pig sty. Is it just me that thinks dropping the pant on the floor as you remove it is the same amount of work as putting it on a hanger right away?

Afterthought: This is the liberty and joy of having parents take care of them and that when they are on their own they have not a choice but do it all.

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Action – Get mad at the kids for not knowing their directions and spending their time in the car arguing with one another than watching where they are going.

Afterthought: They are after all kids and if it is not their inherent or natural interest to know directions, they will learn to when they have to.

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Action – When the boy comes and shows a silly video that is a spoof on a book he knows I have read, I tell him in all honesty that I don’t think it’s too funny when he forces me to keep watching it.

Afterthought: When I see the dejected face walk away, I wonder why I could just not fake an interest in it for a few minutes just to give him the excitement & pleasure of sharing it with me

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What do I know?

I have only carried him inside me for 9 months and then raised him for 11 years. Between him and his sister, I have raised them solely to prove me wrong and eat my own words. But as long as I am wrong and they are happy with that path,  I am willing to be wrong over and over again.

As I have mentioned in multiple posts, Raul has changed schools every year since 2nd grade. It as never our intent but for some compelling reason, we have had to switch him each year. The trooper that he is, has always eased himself into the new environment and sailed along. While the older child is everything responsible, conscientious, self motivated and diligent, the younger one is quite the opposite. Inspite of being a quick learner, he loves to sail through with minimum effort and a laissez faire attitude. He is constantly testing how far he can push his work without getting into trouble and when he is in trouble, eternally figuring out how creatively he can get out of it. The OH and I have had this feeling that this child needs just the right amount of push without much pressure. That balance is what we strive for everyday at home with him.

This year the school that he chose to move him to is a school that is very different from the schools he is used to in this country. Contrary to most schools here, this school strives for academic excellence in their kids through tests, examination and quizzes similar to the Indian system. The predominant student population is Asian and along with that comes exterme peer pressure. The school has done exceptionally well with organization and structure and that is what we believed would help Raul the most. They have proven their standard and performance at multiple locations prior to starting the branch close to our home and so we hoped that all of this would work the magic for Raul as well.

At open house, when the OH and I visited the school for the very first time, I was extremely skeptical this environment would work for Raul. There was a significant amount of accountability and responsibility placed on the child and I was very unsure if Raul was ready for that. I worried that the child who was too distracted to take down notes from one blackboard in a single class room would ease into a school where he was expected to walk the corridor to each of his classes, and stop inbetween each class to gather his notes for that class from the locker and still listen and absorb everything the teacher had to say. He was overwhelmed as well but the only thing going for him was that a bunch of his friends would be moving to this school as well. The OH & I chatted and promised ourselves that we would not pressure the child to do anything beyond the teacher’s expectations for the class. We would not force him to sign up for advanced lessons unless he wished to sign up for any. We told ourselves that if he was genuinely unhappy we could always switch him back to his old school the next academic year. We were convinced we had it all figured out before Raul started school.

School starts and suddenly the child who couldn’t stay focused in one classroom and one teacher can now juggle walking to multiple classrooms and working to the assignments of multiple teachers. He plans his school time to do homework with his buddies and tries to stay on top of his schoolwork. He loves every single teacher and enjoys his lessons. His journal has all the details the teacher requested them to take down and he can tell us exactly what is due each day. The OH and I are speechless.  We are clueless to what is so different in the approach that works for him. While we thought this child may feel like his wings were cut of in this school, he is showing us signs of soaring even higher than ever before.

His favorite subject is Latin. To the child who loves learning new languages this is a treat. While he tested for advanced math, he made it through one level but did not quite have the next level mastered. So we chose to keep him in the same level he had already mastered to enable him to learn the next level in greater detail. When he claimed he was bored in Math since he had done it all last year, I asked him if he wanted to test again and jump up to the next level. The clarity in his response amazed me. He said, he’d rather work this level again and gain a better understanding of the level he had not fully mastered rather then go there with half the knowledge. That is music to the ears of a mother who was dreading his homework and having to force him into hours of school work each day

So much for even having the audacity to think we had him all figured out. If this is what a choice that we felt wouldn’t be right for him does to him, we are happy to do the same mistakes twice, thrice as many times over as it takes. Someday Rahul, when you read this I want you to know I am sorry I thought this wouldn’t work for you and that you would hate the expectations. I wish for you to excel in school without losing the joie de vivre that you possess. Hope this is the beginning to a life long love and quest for learning and education. Just know that amma will be in the sidelines cheering you along.

Introspection

Longing acceptance

Lacking acknowledgement

Looking for the warmth of understanding

The line between content and discontent is but slim and hazy

The good outweighs the bad

The mind knows that life is a series of ups and downs

Yet the heart yearns for something that eludes it

Rather than find pleasure in the little blessings that exist but are taken for granted.

Happiness is a state of mind, some say

If only the journey to that state of mind was as easy as saying the words…

Aapki farmaaish

She requests and I oblige… Not often does it happen this promptly but there is always an exception

Here’s what I have to say missy. My response in blue!

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

- Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to -> This is without a doubt a pre-requisite for both a woman and man. That is why I tell the OH that he needs to have it too given that most times he doesn’t think it important enough to remember the password to his own retirement account

- Something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour -> Hmm. Actually I am pretty comfortable finding something from my own stash that would complete the look. If not, I am crazy enough to go buy something and be back in an hour’s time ready to dazzle!

- A youth she’s content to leave behind -> If what I have learned and earned is what I get when I let go of my youth, bring on the 40 s!

- A past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to retelling it in her old age -> What juicy past? I can hardly call the one “je t’aime” from a guy couple inches shorter than me a “juicy” past :( The only stories my grandkids will be hearing from me is how good I was at listening to my mom, how obedient and disciplined I was till I was with my parents! Once they grow up into their own I will be willing to let them know the liberal that I am and the lengths I will go to convince their conservative parents to let them live their life!

- A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra -> Yes for screw driver, I think the OH will be willing to share his cordless drill, of course for the third (had to supplement those most utilitarian Maidenform (they were a far cry from fancy by anyone’s imagination!) ones at some point!

- One friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry -> Boy, do I have both these categories! The one that makes me laugh is magnet enough to find a dozen more just like her :) And when in need she will let me cry buckets too all the while with a glass of wine!

- A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family ->wait a minute – all the furniture I have good or bad was not owned by anyone in my family, I bought them all! – except for the antique table that I brought back from home from the last visit.

- Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems -> He loves cooking, I love buying stuff for the house, why wouldn’t I? The glasses though are used a lot more than the matching plates

- Recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored -> I have the entire collection of my mom’s recipes in electronic format. I can follow instructions, you see! What more does the person need to feel honored?

- A feeling of control over her destiny -> Much as I try I know I have no control over my destiny. I try my best to not do stupid stuff but I am a firm believer that the one above is in charge of controlling it. I know to open the door when opportunity knocks but that’s about it.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

- How to fall in love without losing herself -> Do you mean calling the person you love an ass if he behaves like one at times? Absolutely! In my case, what you see is what you get. You have the choice to be part of it

- How to quit a job -> No. Apparently haven’t learned this yet

- Break up with a lover -> I will know when I experience it. But I am confident in the thought that any person who does not know to treat a relationship with respect is not worth my time. I will be sad but not for long since am the eternally glass half full girl!

- confront a friend without ruining the friendship -> Only if there is a real good reason to do this. If it is just one of our retarded moments, it’s easier to walk away and sleep over it than confront that moment.

- When to try harder-> Oh, am a glutton for punishment! Someone please tell me how to stop trying!

- When to walk away -> you mean when you realize the street your walking goes only one way? I am really good at directions and can instantly tell when I not going the right way.

- That she can’t change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents -> Figured the first and third one a while back but am still optimistic about the second.

- That her childhood may not have been perfect….but its over -> Can someone please define perfect? Mine was a happy, carefree, and fun childhood!

- What she would and wouldn’t do for love ->I will do anything for love but I won’t do that. “That” is up for your own interpretation :) and for my choice at the moment of reckoning.

- How to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it -> I’ve never had the reason to live alone, but am  fiercely independent and capable of keeping my own company quite well!

- Whom she can trust -> work in progress

- Whom she can’t -> continuing education

- Why she shouldn’t take it personally -> because a friend explained to me in grad school that the quirks and eccentricities of people around me usually has nothing to do with me. One of the most valuable lessons I ever learned

- Where to go, be it to her best friend’s kitchen table or a charming inn in the woods when her soul needs soothing -> The place always changes based on the mood but I always find the place that helps calm me down. Afterall, I got to keep them folks at home guessing, don’t I? The one thing I know I don’t need then is my cell phone!

- What she can and can’t accomplish in a day, a month and a year -> work, drop, pick up kids and cart them around to their various activities. Everything I do in between is stuff I take on in addition to what is realistic

Ravihi janmadinam aacharat, buddy!

Dear Raul,

You turned 11 last week. If that title didn’t make sense, it is “Happy birthday” in Sanskrit for my baby who loves learning languages and starts learning Latin this year. Despite my best laid plans of writing this the day before your birthday, things just didn’t go the way I planned four your special day. I constantly adapt to your demands. This year you chose to watch 3 movies instead of the 1 movie at the luxury theater like you sister did. You were thrilled with the one gift that I thankfully planned ahead of time. Your sister was more bummed than you when you didn’t get as many gifts as she did for her birthday. But being the trooper you are, you made the best out of the one thing that you did get. It actually took Amma & Appa yet another week to get our act together and buy you the gift we hope you will love for a long time to come. This year you grew leaps and bounds. You are so much taller and your feet just keep growing. You had a lovely vacation with thatha and patti this year. I am so proud of you for making that trip all on your own. In the 2 months that we didn’t see you, we see so many changes in you. Not only did you have fun, you gave thatha and patti a wonderful time with you. They loved every moment they spent with you and can’t stop talking about you even weeks after you are back home. Finally patti found the one person who does full justice and most enjoys the food she makes with such love and passion. The look on your face and the genuine praise you showered on her was all her heart needed to toil over each meal she fed you.

You start yet another new school this year. You have been such a trooper all these years in accepting the change that comes your way each year. Appa and I thought this would be a good school to bring some structure to your life. After checking the school out last week, I am not so sure. I hesitate and stress that I may take the free spirit that you are and confine you to a strict routine. I may be totally wrong and that is truly what I wish. You taught Appa and me a valuable parenting lesson this year. While we thought we were motivating you when you played chess, you made us realize that what we were doing to you was not motivating but pushing a certain element of our competitive spirit into you. We were unbeknownst to us, stifling your true spirit. You don’t do things not because other people do it but because you enjoy doing it and, that makes you special. This is what makes this school decision that much more difficult. I hope all the peer pressure does not affect you and you succeed in your own little world and do the best you can. Appa & I will always try to remember not to push you and let you do the best you can and most importantly enjoy the experience along the way :)

You are such a sensitive little child. Appa & I are so fortunate to have two kids who are so in tune to our worries and concerns. You don’t hesitate one bit to adjust to our constraints, like when you jumped willingly with your offer to go to the doctor’s office with thatha when you thought Appa & I may be busy at work or when you offered to attend the school open house with thatha just so we didn’t have to take time off from work. I wish and pray that this year is when you get more organized with your school work. Call it a mother’s instinct or optimistic thinking, but something tells me this school year with you will be much smoother :)

 Here’s capturing who you are and what you like this year…

 • You still love chess & basketball

• You have found a new love for table tennis (or ping pong as it is called in this side of the world)

• You still love your Lego and the electronic games (Can’t wait to see you grow out of the Nintendo phase)

• You get more and more open to trying new foods. You inspire your buddies to try new stuff just seeing you enjoy the taste of it. You never forget to complement the chef and make them feel very special

• You had a huge fan following on your trip back from India. Everyone who traveled with you stopped to tell me what a pleasure it was traveling with you and how low maintenance your truly are

• You are ever willing to share everything you have with all your friends (except for your sister, of course!) • Appa continues to be the hero and I am wondering how long that phase lasts. He can do nothing wrong and you worship the path he walks :)

• You still love reading and I can’t get you enough books to keep up with your reading. You have found the convenience of the eBook reader and have taken to it like a fish to water. That’s not to say you won’t go to the library and hoard all the books your hands can carry at a time.

• You still love swimming for fun and when it has nothing to do with swim lessons.

 And here are some things that still irk Appa and me no end…

• You still won’t clean your room, make your bed or take your dirty clothes to the hamper :(

• It’s still your way or the highway. Everything needs to be negotiated. Sometimes these negotiations are easy and at other times it is plain painful.

• You are still very sensitive and I can hardly give you crap like I do routinely with your sister. I am hoping soon you will learn to be stronger and better and dishing it right back like she does.

• We are still working on getting to take responsibility for our tasks and completing it without getting into trouble

• Lastly Amma and Appa are still working on getting you to understand being content with what you have. Hopefully we will make good progress this year.

Have a lovely year my child and here’s wishing you many happy returns of the day. Always be the lovely human being that you are. This birthday, Appa and I wish you all the love and pray that all your dreams come true. Stay happy, healthy and know that Amma will always be watching and eagerly waiting for that one injection that will make your asthma disappear, just like you wanted! Lastly I am copying the letter thatha wrote to you after you returned home. I know you will not know to save it but I know that someday you will love reading it.

“Dear Rahul,

Sorry I could not talk to you since I was searching my hearing aid. While I was sleeping the instrument fell on my bed and I was able to find out in a couple of minutes. Thank you very much for your call and I expect a call from you tomorrow and I will talk to you. I am always thinking about you and your stay at Besant Nagar is green in my memory. I am happy that you will come back here for your next vacation and we will have lot of fun here. When does your school reopen? Try to be in touch with Table tennis and chess and participate in your school tournaments and do well. I want you play well and win a lot of trophies. Even now I am geared up and ready at 3.30 in the evening thinking that you are here for your classes. I remember the scooter ride you had with me for chess classes on Sundays. Take care and send me mails quite often, my sweet Rahul.

Love,

S thatha”