Life revolves around the kids as it probably does for every single parent. Between the swim, soccer, music, dance and chess lessons, there is not any time left to think of much else. Time not consumed by the above mentioned activities is either spent playing board games, watching movies or quiz shows on TV. As the kids grow older, as parents we realize that they have an opinion about every conversation that takes place in the house. So any conversation between the adults without input from the children is slim to none. Where am I going with this train of thought? Recently came across this & this while catching up on the blogs I follow and felt that I couldn’t agree more.
Growing up, we have always had our parents available 24×7, cooking, cleaning and caring for us. Grandma’s pride till date is that her life revolves around us and she is willing to drop anything at the drop of a hat to be there for us when we need her. Though we cherished this as children growing up and still do, as a parent today, we see how our parents have drifted apart with little to say to each other and often need us to mediate conversations/arguments between the very same individuals who raised us. OH & I talk about this often and tell ourselves that we want to be different from our parents (what’s new there?) and try our best to not be emotionally dependent on our children. We have constantly tried to find moments in our busy life for just the two of us, be it a ten minute break for a quiet cuppa tea without the kids, an hour of happy hour on a Friday evening or a once a year weekend break to a quiet place of our choice. Does it make us feel guilty when we do things without the kids? The answer is a resounding us. We tell each other that this will help us be better parents once the kids are grown up and will be better able to appreciate their space versus being emotionally tied to them long after they have made a life of their own. Is this the right time for us to leave them when they need us the most? Probably not but we are fortunate enough to have grand parents care for them when we indulge in these moments and that makes us feel that they are spending time with the people who love them just as much as we do. Someday maybe my children will feel otherwise but we never claimed to be the best parents. We learn as we go and do what we thinks makes sense to us.
The OH & I are fortunate to have a wonderful group of friends that we hang out with almost every weekend. Granted, we met these friends because they either have our background, have kids the same age as ours or lived in our neighborhood, but we truly genuinely have a blast even when we are together without the kids. We enjoy our times with or without the kids and try to do things that we enjoy occasionally without the kids. Someday when the kids are are grown and have a life of their own, we will not just have each other but our extended circle of friends to keep us going and enjoying this short life that we have. Amen to that:)
I totally agree with this. I have seen parents getting clingy, or making their kids feel guilty for – well for having a life! Sometimes I also do the martyred act – but my sons pull me out of that one before it becomes tiresome. We need to have our own interests!
Sand: Thanks for your comments. I sometimes wonder if I’m on my own to think this way
How old are your sons?