To me raising kids is like being in school all your life. I haven’t come across a book that spells out how you raise your children for every possible scenario. We do what we think is the best for them or the best way to raise them. We falter as we progress & learn from our mistakes. I strongly believe God created children to be as resilient as they are simply to account for the parents inexperience when they arrive in this world.
There are quite a few factors that influence how we raise our children. Who we are and how we were raised play a huge role in how we raise our own children. Our own personality as human beings plays a huge role. I quote Tharini here since I couldn’t put it any more eloquently.
“I always knew that the children we have are not ours to keep. But it was a more of a recent realisation in my heart, that they are not ours to claim right from the start. They are like little gifts accorded to us for precious safekeeping and conscious care taking. It was a bit of a revelation this. To know that my two boys have been loaned to me for the purpose of moulding and then giving back to the world to fulfil their destinies.” (Replace 2 boys with a girl & boy in my case) For her full write up, go here.
Where am I going with this, you wonder? Let me go back to my comment that our personalities impact how we raise our child. I may not be the mother that spends every waking minute with my child. I chose the career path instead of the SAHM path ‘coz I believe that makes me a better mom. It was a conscious decision I made and that doesn’t make me love them any less than a SAHM. I may not hug & kiss my child every 5 minutes for the whole world to view and that still does not make me a mother who loves her child any less than one who is constantly hugging and kissing her baby in front of all. We get so caught up in the daily humdrum of life that it feels like we yell & discipline our children more than we love them. This once again does not reflect my love for my children or my parenting capabilities.
My siblings or my next door neighbor or my friends may raise their children the way they believe is right. Just as they are entitled to raise their children the way they wish, I am entitled to the exact same benefits. After all, I carried them for nine months and delivered them, didn’t I? I have the responsibility of raising them to be fine citizens and wonderful human beings & that is something I am fully aware of.
Came across this quote recently “Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy — the mother.” — Claudette Colbert. It really struck a chord.
I completely trust the grandparents with my children when they are with us because I strongly believe that the people who raised us cannot go wrong with raising my own children. A second reason I do that is because I don’t want them to feel that their authority is undermined when they are living under our roof. That really does not mean that I am not capable of raising my own children or love them any less. The fact that the way I raise my children or love them does not meet their expectations is not my problem. After all didn’t they have the opportunity to raise us the way they pleased? Why is it so difficult to comprehend that I would like the same privilege.
I agree, this is a giant rant on how I feel but after hearing this for years, it finally gets to you and you realize that the more you aim to please, the more incompetent you seem in the eyes of others. I will continue to raise my children the way I deem is best and will love them more than anything else in life. Someday when they read what I have to say, they will understand that I love them just as any other mother who decides to stay home with their children or a mother who spends every waking moment with her children. They will realize that this mother too wished and aimed for the best for her babies.
