Life today is a series of question marks…
Career — ??
Job — ??
Vacation — ??
Financial planning — ??
Travel with family — ??
Too many unanswered questions. All I know is that the force above has it all planned but isn’t ready to share with me yet. Given my impatience, it doesn’t get any easier.
Wishing me luck and hoping for the best…
The kids come up with their rare gems every once in a while and I have attempted to capture these moments for the sheer purpose of teasing and embarrassing them when they are all grown up. Here are a couple from the duo.
Raul has been very upset over mom not having a job anymore. As he asked me a series of questions, I attempted to answer each one patiently and in a way that he would understand. He finally asked me if I had a job lined up to start working and what that would be. I explained to him that I had none in mind and would have to find one soon to pay for his chess/swimming lessons et al. After absorbing all the information I gave him, he stated “Amma, I know one job you will not do.” Now curious, I asked him what he thought that was. Pat came the reply “I know you won’t sell meat” (given the background that I am a vegetarian and don’t let them cook meat at home!!) I assured him that given any choice in the matter, I definitely was not going to pick that as my profession 
Meg, as I have mentioned before is at that age where she needs to be clued in on every conversation that takes place in the house. She is ever curious and wants to know the details of every word that in uttered in her presence. In addition to knowing all the details, she is always available and willing to dish out advice/suggestions/opinions on the topic being discussed. There are times when the OH & I have to reign her in and remind her that it has absolutely nothing to do with her.
A couple of days back, my mom and I were whispering on some girlie stuff when the OH made an appearance. He stopped by and asked us what we were talking about. I turned around to tell him that it was girlie stuff that had absolutely nothing to do with him. As I turned back around to continue my conversation with grandma, Meg who has been following this conversation between the OH & me, comments to her dad… “Appa, how does it feel to be in my shoes?”
Let’s just say the OH & I had a good laugh
This has been something that I have been wanting to write about for a while now. I had promised myself that I would talk about it when I reached the letter “N” in my alphabet series. It is ironic that when I did eventually reach that point, that I would be in between jobs and need to exercise this skill the most.
Networking according to the Riley Guide “is the art of building alliances. It’s not contacting everyone you know when you are looking for a new job and asking if they know of any job openings. Networking starts long before a job search, and you probably don’t even realize you are doing it.”
They teach you in business school & you learn by experience that one of the key elements to succeeding in your career is honing your networking skills. Be it the occasional drink with colleagues after work hours or the emails sent to ex colleagues and friends, they all act as a stepping stone down the career path. These relationships might help you find a lucrative opportunities down the lane or maybe help you find the right candidate if you are trying to hire someone.
Given all the benefits of networking, you would think everyone should invest a fair amount of their time in maintaining these relationships. I am inherently a people person and love my interaction with colleagues and friends any time of the day. But networking has always been a challenge for me. The challenge does not have to do with anything more than the time needed to maintain these relationships. At my former employer, it was a part of life to be invited to happy hours every once in a while, a farewell party to an employee pursuing new opportunities or an afternoon playing golf with a bunch of colleagues when we worked summer hours. Much as I would have liked to be part of all these fun activities, I was always in a rush to get back home to start my kids encompassing activities. Be it their swimming, music, dance, soccer or tennis lessons, the only way I could accomplish doing my mommy duties was by rushing out of work and sacrificing on these networking opportunities.
This is not to say that I don’t look forward to coming back home to spend my evening doing fun stuff with the kids. I love every minute I spend chauffeuring the kids to their various activities. I love watching them do the various activities & constantly wish I had the time and money to give them so much more. At the same time, I miss these networking opportunities that I know given the nature of jobs around here, I am going to need on a rainy day (like now!!)
It is always a warm feeling reaching out to a friend for an opportunity they might be able to help with if you have maintained your relationship with them rather than reach out to them after many many years just to request a favor. I understand that it is a rat race out there and everyone does not have the time to make and maintain these relationships, but I have noticed that some people are able to do this more naturally than others. Is it that these people don’t have families that they need to rush back to or is it easier for a male to do this than it is for us females?
I know that I am taking a fairly narrow approach to networking and that there are many different ways to achieve this. I so wish I had answers to some of these questions as this would for sure help me figure out how to juggle my life at home while I enjoy a life outside of work with my colleagues as well. If you happen to land on this page and have a few insights I would love to hear your thoughts.
… is what I experienced as I walked out for the last time from my workplace. Relief that I don’t have to do the commute anymore mixed with the stress of uncertainty over what the future has in store. Hopefully the hiatus is a short one and something exciting is waiting to happen any moment now. Will miss my colleagues but am looking forward to new beginnings.
Pray for me you all!
…is so deep rooted that it comes back with a force every so often to remind you that time is not going to change that ever. Having been away from what I still consider my first home for almost 15 years now, I have learned to accept this home away from home as my very own. There was a time when the OH & I were newly married and I would shed tears every year during the holidays only because it was the time of the year when everyone went back to their families and here we were two lonely souls with no family to go to and just each other for company.
It was the same story every time I made a visit to India. It was always fun going home but the return journey were constant tearjerkers. I felt lousy and rotten making that trip back to a life with almost no family close to you. Over the years the OH & I made some wonderful friends, had our kids and made a little family of our own. Grandparents started visiting us frequently to help us with raising our kids and so life took a turn. The new home felt more like home as we make a tiny nook for ourselves and our babies and our visiting parents.
Of course having more money than a grad student’s stipend helps with communication a whole lot. We were able to talk to our families more often and got busy in our own lives as well. Not much time was left between caring for an infant and continuing a full-time job. After almost 12 years of staying away from home, I was able to pull off my very first return trip from India a few years back without shedding copious amount of tears. It was ironic that I waved bye to my parents without getting overly choked up, loaded the two kids and myself into the aircraft and shortly thereafter noticed a young couple next to me where the girl was crying her heart out to be leaving her loved ones behind. The husband was trying his best to be understanding and supportive and at that instant it struck me that acceptance of living miles away from home had finally come my way.
Over the years, I have considered myself as having two homes. I have cheered every good that has happened both in India and the US and have felt sad over all the not so good events that have taken place as well. I have truly learned to embrace & appreciate our life here with the kids and extended family. I have often wondered where my loyalties would rest when I had to choose any one country and I have always realized that I will always cheer for where I am today in all circumstances except when I am forced to make that choice between the two countries I consider home. I have always hoped and prayed to never be put in the situation where I would have to pick one over the other even though I know in the bottom of my heart which one I would pick.
Where am I going with all this? With the Olympics kicking off this past weekend, we have spent a considerable amount of time routing for the US over their various competitors in a multitude of events. We have been avidly watching and cheering Michael Phelps as he wins his gold medals and inches his way towards his 8 gold medal target. The same has been the case with every sport we enjoy watching. But what was the event that got me truly choked up in all these days of watching and following the 2008 Olympics? It was undoubtedly viewing Abhinav Bindra give India it’s very first gold medal in an individual event. As I watched the medal ceremony, heard the Indian National Anthem being played & the Indian flag being raised, I felt the tears flow freely down my cheeks and the goosebumps that rose in my arms. It was an amazing moment and indeed a very special feeling. We all get agitated when we don’t see enough medals being won by Indians in athletic competitions even though we know and understand that most of that is due to our deep rooted culture where importance is always given to academics over sports of any kind.
Let us hope that Abhinav proves to be our lucky mascot and provides the motivation that many of our youngsters need to display their talent and aim for such glory in the years to come. Hoping that India will go a long way to prove itself not just as a country with an amazing brainpower but one that proves it’s worth in athletics as well.
I was welcomed back home from work yesterday with the kids waving their school brochures for the annual fund raising event. The catalog was filled with handmade artifacts, holiday paraphernalia, delectables cookies and chocolates and a myriad other items to choose from. The older one claimed she wanted to fund raise her best this year since she wouldn’t have any more opportunities to in Junior high and High school. The little one didn’t want to miss out on the fun ‘coz he claimed this was his first year fund raising. While I quietly absorbed all they were saying and groaning meekly that this meant walking the neighborhood and requesting them to buy things out of the catalog.
My mom is a wonderful salesperson and can market anything you put in her hands while offering her a lucrative benefit. She has attempted a slue of things while we were growing up. We always claimed that if her parents had the foresight to give her a decent education and had she been encouraged by her in-laws, she would have turned out to be a spirited and successful entrepreneur. Unfortunately for her neither happened and all she was able to pull off were the occasional business opportunities to keep her skills honed in. It is indeed very sad that none of us, the fruit of her womb carried this gene down. Old sister is the one who is now displaying mom’s marketing skills with the jewelery that she delicately & tastefully creates.
Where are am going with this whole thing? Given that I absolutely suck at selling anything (buying is a whole different story though:)), these fund raising brochures are not my cup of tea. I loathe to ask friends to pitch in because, given that they fall in my age group they have their kids in similar schools too and have their own fund raising efforts to deal with. Since we live so far away from family, there is not much family we can tap into to buy the items offered in said catalog. I hate to bring such things to work and put it on my desk for fear of being of judged for using my network for personal favors.
I remember back in the days when we were in school , we did a fair amount of fund raising for charitable institutions with the award for the highest amount being certificates autographed by famous cricketers of the day. I remember walking the streets and requesting all and sundry to offer us a few cents/dollars for a noble cause. That I felt was a tad easier given that most people we went to didn’t have kids in their house doing similar stuff. I hate to walk Meg to strangers in the community requesting them to choose from catalogs and impose upon them. It’s probably all me but like I said, that is who I am.
All this effort in return for what. Meg has her heart set on this little monkey alarm that you sleep with that starts squealing at the said hour. The only way to shut it is to slam it against a wall. She needs to raise $45 to get this squeaky monkey. Raul of course has his own favorite toy that he would like to get from this fund raising effort. I tactfully suggested to them that this is an activity they need to work with dad on. It’s a guilt free move for me considering I bear the brunt of doing all else for them as in homework help, carting them to classes, packing their lunch and all such mundane things and mainly since I hate doing this thing.
Knowing dad, he will probably easily wiggle out of this in the nicest possible way. Backup plan is to give them a certain value from our pockets and not have them walk the streets to fund raise. It goes into the school development and maintanance, similar to what we do as alumnus to our alma mater. But for now as they wait for their dad’s feedback, they like typical kids are dreaming of squealing monkey alarms et al.
♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣
What kind of Flower are you?
“Mischief is your middle name, but your first is friend. You are quite the prankster that loves to make other people laugh.”
Meg has been asking to go to the library for a week now. Each day I promised to take her but something more important has been coming up and we didn’t make it to the library till yesterday evening. I had 15 minutes of spare time before I made it to Raul’s class for curriculum night. Not wanting to disappoint her yet again I asked her if that was sufficient time for her to get the book she needed from the library.
Realizing that she just needed one book, we figured we’d be able to make a dash to the library prior to making it to Raul’s school. We reached the library, searched the catalog only to realize that there were 81 requests prior to Meg. The librarian explained that they had 27 copies between their 4 locations and a quick mental math revealed that it would be at least 3 months before Meg could lay her hands on a copy of said book.
The book that is now so much in demand is Twilight (part of the Twilight Saga series) by Stephanie Meyers. It is now being made into a movie and is slated to grace the theatres Dec 2008. As we placed a request for the book and walked out of the library, Meg explained to me that it had to do with Vampires and the fourth book in the series was currently out. She also mentioned that her best friend in class owned the first couple of books and her mom was going to buy her the latest one soon. The librarian in me suggested to her that she should ask her friend if she could borrow the book from her for a week if she is done reading it. Meg accepted my suggestion and promised to ask her at school today.
I could have let it at that but being the sucker for books that I am I could truly understand her craving to read this book. I decided in my mind to check out the title on Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble. I figured if it wasn’t too expensive I would buy the book for her. It was with that intent that I searched this title at Amazon. And here is what the editorial review had to say about the book…
Amazon.com
“Softly he brushed my cheek, then held my face between his marble hands. ‘Be very still,’ he whispered, as if I wasn’t already frozen. Slowly, never moving his eyes from mine, he leaned toward me. Then abruptly, but very gently, he rested his cold cheek against the hollow at the base of my throat.”
As Shakespeare knew, love burns high when thwarted by obstacles. In Twilight, an exquisite fantasy by Stephenie Meyer, readers discover a pair of lovers who are supremely star-crossed. Bella adores beautiful Edward, and he returns her love. But Edward is having a hard time controlling the blood lust she arouses in him, because–he’s a vampire. At any moment, the intensity of their passion could drive him to kill her, and he agonizes over the danger. But, Bella would rather be dead than part from Edward, so she risks her life to stay near him, and the novel burns with the erotic tension of their dangerous and necessarily chaste relationship.
Meyer has achieved quite a feat by making this scenario completely human and believable. She begins with a familiar YA premise (the new kid in school), and lulls us into thinking this will be just another realistic young adult novel. Bella has come to the small town of Forks on the gloomy Olympic Peninsula to be with her father. At school, she wonders about a group of five remarkably beautiful teens, who sit together in the cafeteria but never eat. As she grows to know, and then love, Edward, she learns their secret. They are all rescued vampires, part of a family headed by saintly Carlisle, who has inspired them to renounce human prey. For Edward’s sake they welcome Bella, but when a roving group of tracker vampires fixates on her, the family is drawn into a desperate pursuit to protect the fragile human in their midst. The precision and delicacy of Meyer’s writing lifts this wonderful novel beyond the limitations of the horror genre to a place among the best of YA fiction. (Ages 12 and up) –Patty Campbell
After reading this I am not sure Meg is old enough for this book yet. It does say it is for ages 12 and older and knowing Meg just turned 11, I am not too convinced. I googled the title to get some answers and as expected the answers are split equally between “yes, it’s ok to read” & “no, it isn’t ok to read.” Some claim that Book 1 and Book 2 are fine but the newer ones are definitely not for 11 yr olds. Knowing Meg, I know she is going to want to read them all once she starts on the first one. I do know that she has a very sane head on her shoulders and is extremely mature. I also know that this friend of hers who owns these books is a sensible kid. But the fact is I still am not convinced.
I have played devil’s advocate in my own head and argued that even if I don’t let her read the book and the details within, she has probably already heard about all the intricate details from her friend. I could let her read it given that according to a few responses, they see more sexual content in the news than they do in the book. I guess I could have a chat with her, explain my concerns to her and request that she let me read the book before I allow her to read it. Or I could trust her to judgment and let her read it. After all, I didn’t have anyone policing the books I read when I was growing up and I turned out just fine. I could also not buy her the book, dissuade her from borrowing it from her friend and wait till she is able to get it from the library. That was I don’t have to worry about it for a few months.
Am I just being a paranoid mom? I am completely confused and unable to make up my mind. Will have to chat with the OH tonight. Anyone reading this, please add your thoughts to the comments section. I would greatly appreciate any advice I can get.
Reading Mad Momma’s, Maami’s Weblog, Vatsap & Lekhni’s notes on abortion triggered by Niketa & Haresh Mehta’s case brought back memories of similar experiences from my life many years back. I agree with what all the above have to say on this topic. I could so completely relate to the Mehta’s case only because of having gone through the exact same fear & agony while expecting Meg. I am definitely pro-choice but the mind works in strange ways when you are carrying your baby in your womb.
I was 16 weeks pregnant with Meg when I went in to the doctor’s office to give what they said was a routine Alphfetoprotein (AFP) test to check the fetus for Down’s Syndrome/Spina bifida. Little did I know the details of this simple blood test that was done during pregnancy. A few weeks later the OH & I were asked to come back to the doctor’s office for a consultation. It was then that the doctor explained to us that the AFP test that I had taken resulted being in the “gray” zone. When the doctor saw our baffled expressions, she went on to explain that based on the results there was a greater potential that the baby could be born with Down’s syndrome or suffer from Spina bifida. Just the thought that there could be something wrong with my baby was enough to put me in trauma.
The doctor then pointed out to us that we had 3 choices before we could make a decision. We could go for another AFP test, go for a Level II ultrasound to take an in-depth look at the spine of the baby to rule out Spina bifida or the most effective option per the doctor was to go for an Amniocentesis to rule out or confirm either of these birth defects. The doctor was placing these options to us because she wanted us to make a decision fairly quickly based on the results. Were the birth defects to be confirmed she wanted us to not be too late to decide on an abortion which she claimed could not be done post week 22. At this point I was 19 weeks pregnant and all the resources we went through claimed that the AFP test was only 50% accurate at 17 weeks and the accuracy declined as the pregnancy progressed. That in effect ruled out Option 1. The doctor strongly suggested Option 3 but all literature on amniocentesis led us to believe that the chances of a miscarriage was much higher. This one fact in itself was enough to freak me out. So we decided to follow Option 2, a Level II ultrasound.
By now I had felt the baby move inside me and in my mind the option of abortion was non-existent. I told the OH that even if the doctors confirmed the birth defects, I was not willing to go that route. The OH disagreed here. His argument was that knowing that this baby was destined to a life of suffering, he would not want to put that child through that agony. He tried convincing me that if it was just a matter of the burden on us to cater and take care of this child, then he was more than happy to give his life caring for her but since it was also going to be a life long struggle for this child, he did not want to put her through it when he had a choice to free her of that pain and suffering. Now had I not known how caring and sensitive the OH is, I would have been shattered by his thoughts. He claimed that he had to think that way since I could not be objective given that I could feel this baby living and breathing in me.
We decided to disagree and pursue Option 2 with the hope that the results would be better and put our minds at rest. My good friend was a Neonatologist who then got me an appointment with the clinic she was working at. I was taken in for a Level II ultrasound followed by an appointment with the doctor in the genetics department. The ultrasound was memorable for two reasons. The first being that given the circumstances, she had squeezed me into an appointment and so had to wait my time. Waiting is not very pleasant with a full bladder. When I told the assistant I couldn’t hold any longer, I was asked to use the restroom but pee just half the amount. The things you learn with pregnancy. The second reason being that the doctor who did the ultrasound was absolutely wonderful. He spent almost an hour looking at the fetus before he told the OH & me that he could see nothing wrong with the spine. He told us that he would be unable to give us any guarantees but reassured us that the best he could do was to put me in the same risk category as any pregnant woman. He also assured us that any defect at this point could be treated once the baby was born.
We then went on to meet the doctor from the Genetics department. Based on questions he posed to us on family history and medical history, he explained to us that the chances of our baby having Down’s Syndrome was 1 in 17,000 while the chances of dying in a car accident was 1 in 7,000. I guess there is some solace in probabilities and statistics. As for Spina bifida, he said there were no guarantees in life but according to him any issues at this point could be treated once the baby was born. He gave the OH & I time to think and come up with our decision. We tried to ask him what he would do, but unfortunately due to medical liabilities, he was unable to give us his thoughts and opinions. All he could do was place the facts in front of us to make an informed decision. Once we were alone, the OH & I felt pretty convinced keeping the baby (I guess I should say the OH was convinced since I didn’t consider any other option ever.) We communicated our decision tot he doctor when he returned and he agreed with our decision and told us that since we had made our decision, he was at liberty to tell us that he thought we made the right choice.
We communicated the same to my gynecologist and the next 20 weeks were spent part in fear, part in joy, part in prayers & part in eager anticipation. It was not until we saw a healthy baby did we put our fears to rest. It was such a pleasure to have a healthy baby that all the birthing & labor woes paled in comparison. In all honesty, I don’t know what path our decision would have taken had the results of the Level II ultrasound gone the other direction. I am glad it didn’t and I thank God everyday for giving us a healthy child.
The second time around, we wisely declined the AFP test when it was offered
My little baby turns 8 today. How the years fly by. He came into our lives and shattered any illusions we had about the whole business of raising kids. Any wisdom gained from raising Meg, he effortlessly proved us wrong. Right from the day he was born, he has had a mind of his own and that’s how it’s been ever since. When we let him set the rules, he follows it to the T. Force something on him and he fights it with all his might.
This year Raul started in a new school. Thankfully his sister attends the same school this year and she has been carting baby brother to and from school in their school bus. This kid can run like a whirlwind but put him in a moving vehicle and the next instant he is out like a lightning. The school bus with the gentle breeze on his face coupled with his exhaustion from all the school activities does the magic and Meg has been waking him up each day as our stop arrives to walk back home. Meg would come home to tell me this and the little devil would chime in to say that he wasn’t sleeping but closing his eyes to the feel of the gentle breeze. It took Meg a few minutes to get him to open his eyes to get off the bus (assuming he was closing his eyes???) Never have I seen a kid who can sleep as few hours as he does and still be active and keyed in. A five minute power nap does him wonders and he thrives on getting up before the entire household even on weekends to sneek in as much TV time as possible before the adults awake to start barking orders and start carting them around to various activities. When I suggest to the OH to let him sleep an extra half hour in the morning, he is mighty upset at dad coz he didn’t wake him up early enough (early that is defined by him)
Yesterday Meg had media club and had to attend that after school. That left Raul to ride the school bus on his own to return home. The OH & I were caught up at work and couldn’t be there to get him. Given that Meghna was 10 before she started riding the school bus, to say I was a tad apprehensive would be an understatement. His inclination towards the power nap on the ride home didn’t make this easier on me. Visions of the bus driver not noticing my sleeping child was enough to scare the living daylights out of me. Requests were made to friends who ride the same bus to keep an eye for Raul and wake him up. Meg was going to walk him to the bus stop to ensure he got into the right bus. Grandma promised to wait for him at the bus stop at the entrance to our community. With all the instructions rattled and back-ups in place I waited with bated breath for grandma to call me as soon as he reached home. As the school day comes to an end my anxiety reaches an all new height. The ring of the telephone was melody to my ears and hearing grandma say he reached home fine was just what I was waiting to hear. he even made it to the busstop without Meg’s help. It was a mixed feeling of relief that my baby was big enough to ride the bus on his own and sadness that my little baby was now a big boy ready to take on the challenges.
Raul sporting his mushroom cut
Completely tuned into fashion and obsessed with his hair, gels & spikes, here is my baby in the mushroom cut I always wanted to see him in at least once before he was all grown up and didn’t care for the styles mom chose for him. Not one to sit quiet and watch he has a constant commentary at the hair salon much to the entertainment of the girl who was chopping his locks. According to him he was looking like a Greek followed by a comment that his head bigger than his face. After he comes home he isn’t too smitten by his haircut but that hardly stops him from flaunting it to everyone who comes his way.
I often say that had Raul been our first born, we’d still be thinking about having a second one. A natural with words & a born charmer, he can talk his way through pretty much any situation. He has by his very personality ensured that the OH & I are completely in tune and on our feet. Else we are taken for a royal ride. He effortlessly convinced his once very gullible big sister that he was a devotee of Lord Shiva and could make her disappear. When she asked him how he’d leraned that, he replied instantaneously that he got it from the website www.shiva.com. Who was she to dispute that. It was a little later that she figured out that he pulled a fast one on her when she actually tried going to that website. An easy negotiator brimming with confidence that belies his age. Not one to be upset for long, he bounces right back with an easy and witty comeback to any confrontation. He is competitive and laid back and uses them to his advantage.
Between him and Meg they have two completely different personalities. While one is quiet, shy and extremely sensitive to other’s feelings, the other one is loud, boisterous and is all about himself. Yet he is this absolutely adorable sensitive kid who can be the most sensitive if he so pleases. He is amazing with kids and can be the most gentle and make the youngest ones feel at home when none of the other kids have time for them. Easy to share his toys and games, hardly have I had to yell at this kid for not sharing his toys or grabbing at what belongs to others. He can be obsessive when he wishes to be and completely laid back at other times. Watching him is quite amazing coz his personality is a complete combination of the OH & me.
On the eve of his b’day this year his only fear going to bed was “Amma, what if you forget to wish me on my b’day tomorrow?” When I told him “Then you can remind me to wish you”, right back came the reply “what if I forget to remind you?” Happy b’day my honeybunches. The only way amma is going to forget your b’day is if she ever reaches a point when she is deprived of her memory cells. Until then neither time, space nor anything under the sun will make her forget to wish you the best and longest life ever…
