Conflicts of the heart versus the conscience

Every once in a while you are thrown in a situation where you are torn between wanting to do something your heart wishes versus what your conscience dictates. The OH has had to deal with a similar conflict lately.

The OH & I went to the temple the evening of our Anniversary. On our way back, he was privy to an accident that unfolded right in front of his eyes. I was sitting right beside the OH but somehow completely missed it till he exclaimed something on the lines of “idichuttan ma” (translated to “He hit him!”) It was then that I happened to hear to sound of the collision and view the latter half of the incident.

The accident was between an SUV (Sports Utility Vehicle) and a bicyclist. As the OH arrived at the intersection where he needed to make a right turn, he noticed the bicyclist trying to cross the street at the same intersection. The OH stopped to wait for the bicyclist to finish crossing our car. As we were waiting, the SUV made a left turn from the main road into the street we were waiting on. The driver of the SUV completely missed sight of the bicyclist and the bicyclist did not see the SUV turn either.

The driver of the SUV made the turn and the bicylist rammed right into the right side of the SUV. I have to say at this point thathat it was the good fortune of both the bicyclist and the driver of the SUV that the bicyclist hit the car instead of vice versa. The reason I say this is coz the reverse would for sure have been a lot more grave and potentially fatal for the bicyclist. The bicyclist fell moaning to the ground.

The OH immediately parked our car right on spot and requested me to call 911 to ask for help. Just as I got on the phone to call for help, another couple, who happened to be registered nurses stopped by to take over from the OH and keep conversation with the bicyclist as he was laying on the road awaiting help. The OH & I noticed that thankfully there was no blood or bruises that we could see externally on the bicyclist.

In the meanwhile, the driver of the SUV pulled over and walked towards us. We found them to be a retired Indian couple who were making their way to the same temple we had just visited. They were pretty shaken and watching the events unfold. The cops & the firetruck were on location literally minutes after the my call. You got to love the efficiency of 911. I have had to call them a couple of times and have been amazed each time at how quick they have been at reaching the spot.

What followed was pretty standard procedure. The cops covered the area, the firemen administered first aid to the bicyclist. Fortunately he was conscious and responding well to the firemen. The driver of the SUV requested us to provide him with our contact information. He asked us if we could photograph his car and the damage to his car on our cell phone but since it was dark by then, we weren’t able to take any pictures on our cell phones.

The OH and I made our way home after the cops had collected our information since the OH was the one and only witness to the accident. Late that night, the driver of the SUV called us and chatted with the OH. He mentioned that this was his first accident in 40 yrs of driving history and that he was completely shaken. The OH told him that he would tell the cops what he saw when they reached out to him.

Now here is where the whole conflict of the heart and conscience happens. The OH knows that the driver of the SUV did not do this deliberately but he also knows that the law where we live states that the vehicle turning left or right should yield to oncoming traffic and hence the fault rested squarely on the driver of the SUV. Much as he would like to support the driver of the SUV, he knows he has to say what he saw at the scene of the accident even though he knows that will eventually probably hurt the case of the SUV driver.

Another factor that I know is weighing in on the OH’s mind is the good samaritan who helped me when I had an auto accident a year back. This person went over and above being nice and took me completely in his wing. He not only gave the cops a statement for me but also calmed me down and towed me and my car back to the dealership which was a good 40 miles away from where he was originally headed. He knows what he is doing is right thing but it still bothers him that it will in turn affect the other person who really did not mean to do what he did. It was an accident in his case as well but unfortunately one in which the fault for no fault of his is on him.

The driver of the SUV called the OH again a couple of days back to try and convince him of certain scenarios he had worked out in his head. The OH talked to him and explained that he would have to give the cops his version of the accident and that was the best he could do given the circumstances. In his mind, I know the OH is praying for the powers above to be kind to the old gentleman who was driving the SUV & to the bicylist hurt in the accident. The OH & I were talking about this, and he was planning to let the person know if he called again that he really shouldn’t be talking to the OH since he could be in trouble for reaching out to the witness and trying to influence his statement.

Ever since, my heart skips a beat every time I see a bicyclist on the road and I want to stop the car, run over to them and request them to wear their helmets and not ride their bikes on busy streets. As for me, I just want to go settle down in a quiet town where there are no speeding cars to hurt people.

An anniversary when the OH turned romantic

In all our years together I have never known the OH to be a romantic. Here’s what the non-romantic guy came up with this year to surprise me. Just for the record he is not big on surprises either.

When I got back from work in the evening and walked into our room to change & freshen up, here is what welcomed me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After our visit to the temple in the evening, here is what he laid out for our surprise anniversary dinner – a complete 3 course meal cooked by the OH.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seen below is the non-alcoholic mango shake for the kids with fresh vanilla bean mixed in and the alcholic version for the adults. This was followed by a fresh salad with a rasberry balsamic vinegraitte dressing. For the main course, we had Thai noodles with roasted peanuts and fresh bell peppers & carrots and to bring in the Indian element, there was Chana batura.

For dessert we let the kids indulge in vanilla & chocolate ice cream served in out delicate glass bowls instead of the unbreakable plastic ones they get on regular days

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This was after a lovely lunch at the amazing DeFalco’s Italian Deli that served the best pasta salad and sandwich. We finished the morning lunch off with a yummy baklava for dessert.

15 yrs & counting – now & forever

• He is cautiously pessimistic; she is eternally optimistic
• He lives to eat; she eats to live
• He loves to entertain week after week; she loves her quiet weekends
• He is forever trying to help people around him; she can’t think past getting through her life & kids
• He hates shopping; she loves her retail therapy sessions
• He loves spoiling the kids; she gets the job of being mean mom
• He isn’t a reader; she loves to keep her head immersed in a book
• He’s an observer; she’s a talker
• He’s a CNN guy; she loves her Bollywood, Kollywood and Hollywood flicks
• He is happy with life’s simple pleasures; she loves luxury
• He isn’t big on gadgets; she’s a gadget freak

In spite of all these differences…

• They both love to travel
• They both like to share a nice glass of wine
• They both love to hang out with friends
• They both like their time together
• They both like a lot of the same things as well

And all these put together has given us 15 years of a wonderful life.

Happy Anniversary hon and here’s wishing us many more…

For chocolate lovers

Price of a Hershey’s milk chocolate bar – $1.50

Price of gas to run to the grocery store to buy the chocolate bar – $ 2.00

The joy & delight that comes with the feel of chocolate melting and swirling in your mouth during a mid-afternoon break at work – PRICELESS

On that note, have a good weekend folks!

I am a Green Girl

Took this survey on Blogthings.com

What color girl are you?

You feel most at home in a world of ideas.
You’re curious and logical – and enjoy a good intellectual challenge.
You’re super cool, calm, and collected. Very little tries your patience.
Your only fear? People not realizing how smart and able you are!

hmmmm!

It’s about time

…and boy am I excited. I feel like a free spirit, a child in candy store. My joy knows no bounds. A small shift but a giant weight off my shoulders. Gives me the feeling that my childhood is back again. All I have to do is ask for pocket money and re-orient self to frugal living. As long as my girlie needs are covered, aka beauty expenses, an occassional indulgence of a chocolate bar/doritos bag from the vending machine, I am one happy cookie.

What is all this rejoicing about, you wonder? For 15 years now, I have been handed down the painful chore of handling finances, paying bills, filing them statements for set number of years in case Uncle sam has any questions and in general being accountable for the day to day financial planning. A task that I naively signed myself up for right after marriage to the OH, has stayed with me for way too many years and added to one too many of the gray hair that is now part of what my beautician is trying to conceal.

Ever since I earned some wisdom, I have been trying to pass this task off to the OH and he being the one who has learned from past experience was only to happy to refuse my offer time and time again.  Given the state of the economy and some tightening measures taken by our respective employers, it was our turn to revisit our finances to check what could be eliminated/discarded to save a few precious pennies during these difficult times. So the current SAHD offers me what I have been wanting for on a platter. You guessed right. He offered to take over the finances of the household to give me a much needed break and also somewhere there secretly hoping that he can do what I haven’t been able to accomplish in all these years.

Whatever be the reason, the offer has been made and the transition could not have happened soon enough. Last night we sat through our first date transitioning the bill payment process. I have been told that he would need my assistance for a couple of more months and then he will be prepared to rough it out on his own. I am only to happy to oblige. No more worries about investing and planning for our future. It is his turn to add to his salt and pepper hairdo.

As for me, all I have asked for is  my monthly pocket money and I can once again feel like I am in mom’s house.The only thing I need to worry about is how tomake my pocket money last through the whole month

Good luck OH and thank you for giving me the much needed break. I have all the faith in you!

Pongal lessons

Kaanum Pongal, which falls on the same day as Maatu Pongal, is celebrated by sisters for the welfare of their brothers. This festival is reminiscent of Raksha Bandhan and Bhai Dooj of North India.

On Kaanum pongal day, a  turmeric leaf is washed and is then placed on the ground. On this leaf are placed, the left overs of sweet pongal and Venn Pongal, ordinary rice as well as rice coloured red and yellow, betel leaves, betel nuts, two pieces of  sugarcane, turmeric leaves, and plantains. In Tamil Nadu women perform this ritual before bathing in the morning. All the women, young and old, of the house assemble in the courtyard. The rice is placed in the centre of the leaf (referred to as “kanu pudi”), while the women ask that the house and family of their brothers should prosper. This food is then offered to the birds. Arati is performed for the brothers with turmeric water, limestone and rice, and this water is sprinkled on the kolam in front of the house. The younsters then carry around a piece of tender turmeric that the moms, grandmoms & aunts rub on their forehead and offer the kids money as a token gift. (Portions of the blurb above courtesy of Chennaionline.com)

Meg & I were up early this morning to celebrate Kaanum Pongal. As we went through the routine, I explained to her the significance of the festival and mentioned that on this day she does this especially for the well being of her brother and that when they are all grown up Raul will need to give her a gift as a token of his love for her.

Once the OH was up, I requested him to give Meg a few dollars on Raul’s behalf and explained to Raul that when he is a big boy and was earning, he should be buying his sister a gift for this occassion every year. He listened to all that I had to say patiently and promised to do it every year.

Mighty happy that I had taught the kids a tiny piece of our culture, I turned around just in time to hear Raul pose this to the OH & yours truly…

“can I do kanu pudi for Meg so that I can get money too? Is there any function where I can pray for Meg and she can give me a gift?”

The OH & I were stumped and couldn’t think of any occassion in our traditions that included the reverse . I guess in all fairness to Raul, we will have to include him in the celebrations next year or come up with an occassion of our own that lets him pray for her well being (in return for a gift ofcourse ;) and made a gentle reminder to self to revisit this conversation another day to make them understand the sentiments/emotions rather than get bogged down by the whole gift giving!!!

Can any of you come up with any customs that include a special occassion when a brother does some special “ritual” for his sister? If you do, please take a minute to add them to the comments section. Would love to learn about them.

Life with a Stay-at-home-Dad (SAHD)

• Getting breakfast prepared and packing kids lunch boxes is so much easier with dad pitching in (Note to self to keep this going even after dad starts work again)
• Flexibility to cater to kids schedules is a breeze. Meg has to leave early to school for battle of the books or morning with the camera – no more lengthy negotiations on whose turn it is this time around. Appa is on call.
• Raul is sick and calls from school asking for the nebulizer – no problem. Appa is on call to act upon request right away. If needed, he can even be picked up and kept at home.
• Zoey gets to stay out of the kennel and enjoy sprawling on the floor thanks to Appa being home to ensure she stays out of trouble.
• Orthodontic appointments, annual eye exams for the kids – Appa on call to chauffer to said locations at specified times.
• Phone calls to be made, errands to run to the post office, bank, grocery does not take planning and coordination – all it takes is a quick afternoon break/trip for dad in-between siestas in front of the idiot box.
• Car needs to be cleaned, oil changed, gas filled – worry not. It does not have to wait till the weekend. Dad is on call to get it all taken care & as an added bonus is happy to take care of it.
• An occassional lovely call in the middle of the day to mom at work to check how her day is going.
• Mom does not have to compete with the TV & kids for time with dad. The 1-on-1 time with the TV is taken care of long before mom and the kids get back home from work/school.
• Cooking for dinner – relaxing, given that mom does not have to deal with tempers and outbursts courtesy of hunger & exhaustion gone overboard.
• It is dad calling mom instead of vice versa, to find out where she is and when she will be back home from work.

Have to say it is a lot of fun. Life is a lot more smooth sailing (anti jinx please) thanks to having a dad, who has the energy & enthusiasm to hang around the rest of the family and enjoy an evening together in the absence of work pressures and long evenings at work. Now if only we could figure out a way to keep one of the parents at home and happy long-term, without impacting the finances, life would be good:)

The rest of the month will be much relished prior to dad’s return to work following his much deserved sabbatical break.

Babysitters, sleepovers, Masquerade parties

… is the story of the household this week.

The best friend is planning her husband’s 40th birthday party. The theme is adult and no kids/grandparents are permitted to this gala party scheduled to take place this coming weekend. To be fair to said friend, she gave us all atleast 4 months notice to plan out babysitters/sleepover dates for the kids.

Anyone who’s known this family for a few years will know that we have always had the company of grandparents for the kids, even though we live this far away from the grandparents home. By sheer coincidence, the grandparents are still in India and will not be back here till february. Given that we have said grandparents to watch over the kids anytime the OH & I have plans that doesn’t involve kids, babysitters have never been an option this household has researched or attempted to find. Anyway I digress.

Back to the issue on hand. The wonderful friends that share our life with us here, in the absence of family, went ahead and made plans for the kids when the OH & I were on vacation. Plans were laid out for kids to spend the night at the other best friend’s house since they had the grandparents around. It was smooth sailing till late last week when the grandparents chosen to babysit decided to book their tickets and leave on a spur of the moment trip to India.

The friend I was hoping would step in as backup is also leaving on a trip to India in a couple of days (didn’t I just meet over half my acquaintances in India over the break?) I guess the remaining half is starting to make vacation plans Boy, am I good at contingency planning.

Thus started our search for someone to watch the kids said night and three days later our options are as follows…

• Drugging the kids as some parents do on long flights and taking them with us to the party (and hope they’d sleep through it?)
• Leaving them with the only other set of grandparents available (the ones that already have 4 brats to contend with)
• Not go to the party & stay home with the kids (especially given the fact that we will not be alive the next day to handle the consequences. Murder at the hands of the friend hosting the party is a given)
• Sitting with the phonebook and calling off the list of babysitters willing to babysit at such short notice (not too risky an option, is it?)
• Start calling the handful of friends we haven’t talked to in ages and exist in our address book courtesy an odd meeting /dinner we shared at a common friend’s house (this could be a fun activity!)
• Leave the kids at home by themselves (their combined age makes them an adult, doesn’t it? Am sure Child Protection Services will go for that logic!)

We are still brainstorming. If anyone out there has any better ideas, please feel free to drop a line in the comments. Your thoughts/ideas will be much appreciated.

Facebook, Orkut – of friendships made, renewed & reconnected

End of 2008 shall now stand out as the time I got back in touch with a lot of friends – some through sheer coincidence, some from the trip to the place where it all started and some through common friends and networking sites.

of the Online kind – Childhood friends reconnected with through Facebook, Orkut & LinkedIn has been a pleasant journey down memory lane. I have been lucky enough to get back in touch with atleast ten of my childhood school mates and getting to know where they are, what they do and catching a glimpse of their families. The though of meeting all these folks down the road & in person brings a smile to the lips and an excitement to see what the future holds for all of us. Sharing group class pictures from years ago and playing the guessing game has been extremely fun.

of the in-person kind – the trip to home in December was  simply perfect from a timing perspective. A lot of friends were visiting at the same time too. A chance trip with family to a temple in Chennai resulted in being stopped on the way by an old schoolmate who recognized me from my facebook profile. He simply blew my mind off by recognizing not just me but my parents and siblings as well. It was a pleasure meeting his little girl and just too sad that we were too rushed to be able to spend time chatting up with him.

I also got to meet my best childhood buddy. She lives in the same continent as me but it took us both a trip back home to connect with each other. It was sheer coincidence that she was on an unplanned trip to Chennai. A casual question to her mom on our well-being resulted in her run from the temple to our house to meet with me and my kids in the wee hours of a December morning. She’s been more a sister than a friend, who lodged with her parents but spent every waking hour of her day and life with me. Not a day went by without her being physically hauled out of our house kicking and screaming by her older and much stronger sibling. The times we  have spent as partners in crime all come rushing back at the mere sight of her. It was such fun to catch up and spend a few relaxed hours with her. The kids got to watch us friends together and envy the bond we shared.

of the kind who moved away to be closer to family – Catching up with Terri’s mom and the whole family was a blast. Spending a day with them in their beautiful home was relaxing in the midst of a chaotic vacation . The kids finally got to meet their friends and shower Terri with all their attention, given that they hadn’t seen her in months coupled with the fact that they were missing Zoey, our lab retriever. We had a wonderful time eating the delicious meal that Terri’s mom put together and the joyful walk to the beach from their home.

of the kind we missed meeting – due to busy schedules, conflicting agendas or email mishap. Didn’t get to meet another schoolmate and a BFF thanks to an unplanned trip that he was given at the last minute. The dinner plans we made with our families will have to wait till our next trip home. Will have to settle for photos via the virtual world till the next opportunity comes our way. Got to meet the mom of another close friend and was so looking forward to meeting said friend as well but thanks to last minute changes she never made it to Chennai from Delhi.

Last but not the least, missed meeting a few friends I have had the opportunity to know in the past year via this blog. Artnavy was most helpful in reintroducing me to some good places to eat and check out in the city that once used to be my only home. I was most excited when I called to meet up with her and was invited to her house to meet some of my favorite bloggers who were coincidentally meeting up at her place. Thanks to the stars not being aligned and the email with directions being lost in cyberspace, I didn’t get to meet them. Oh well, I guess there is always a next time…