The Sisterhood Award

 Priya has awarded me the sisterhood award. Little does she know how special this is to me. Since the start of this blog, this is my first award and will be cherished forever. Everytime I read Priya’s posts, the one thing that strikes me is how similar we are on quite a few things. Her simplicity amazes me and the thought she puts into each decision makes me feel am not the only crazy person around. Be it a simple sofa purchase, or an entire kitchen remodel, her justifications are exactly how I think & process decisions. Many a times have I wondered what her thoughts would be on simple decisions I have had to make. Here’s to us and getting to know each other better.

As per the rules of this award, am passing this on to a few ladies who I follow, look up, enjoy reading and who bring a smile to my face each day.

Terri’s Tails – Terri’s mom is one who inspired & lured me to the world of blogging. Her posts bring a smile to my face. Not only is she an amazing writer, I love the little twists she gives to her posts.

Rads, sometimes quirky, sometimes motivating, sometimes another mom bragging about her kids, and always writer extraordinaire, it has been a pleasure reading & commenting on her blog. I have often wished I have her energy to pursue everything that she does and wondered how she pulls it all off so effortlessly.

Friday Shrink, is my soulmate and BFF. This award is hoping that she will write more often than she does. A lovely person with a rocking sense of humor, I wish she would take the time to share her wit with more people than just those of us who surround her.

The not-so artful dodger is one I look forward to read each day. Everytime I visit her site, she gives me a completely unique perspective of the city I grew up in. Warm and friendly, she was spontaneous in inviting me over to meet with her and other bloggers when I was in India. In spite of her crazy schedule she took the time to reintroduce me to some favorite haunts in the city I love. I wish I had her energy and enthusiasm to spend every weekend introducing my kids to all the new activities that surround us like she does with her girl, Anush. I look forward to meeting you the next time for sure!

Broom, is a blogger I have been introduced to recently and there is an underlying honesty that makes me comes back to her site each day. I haven’t met anyone who has embraced change as beautifully as she has and made the most of it. She is truly one of a kind and I would love the opportunity to get to know her better.

Each of these ladies have enriched my life their own way.

Now for the other fine print related to tagging etc:

1. Put the logo on your blog or post.

2. Nominate at least 5 blogs which show great ATTITUDE and/or GRATITUDE.

3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.

4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.

5. Share the love and link this post to the person from whom you received your award.

This just may be the answer

Ever since my return from India or make that since  my mom went back home October last year, I have been trying real hard to shed the pounds gained from consuming all the wonderful stuff that only she can make to such mouth watering levels.

Early this year, I dragged my ass into enrolled myself into the fitness center that is a couple of hundred yards from home. Why the proximity, you wonder? Only because I have used that as a reason to skip working out in prior circumstances. In spite of having religiously kept at my work out the past couple of months, the pointer on the damn weighing scale has sat steadfastly on the same number, stubborn as a mule. The only reason I have succeeded on continuing the work out schedule is by reasoning to self that not just is this something that is immensely satisfying but that the ultimate goal isn’t weight loss but building strength & endurance.

As my resolution weakens, Rads and her 7-day challenge comes as a last straw of support to a sinking soul. This regimen just might be the answer to lose those persistent pounds. Can I do this? Who knows? Me, who has always sat read by the sidelines when other went through their diets, has finally decided to take the plunge.  In short, here are the rules…

Starting this Monday (or any day of the week), can you go for one week(seven days, or one hundred and sixty-eight hours) without eating one milligram of bad food? Specifically, do you have it in you to do ALL of the following, for one full week, no excuses?

My week will begin on a tuesday (Mar 31st – Apr 6th)

1. Eat NO artificial sugars, sweeteners, fruit juices, honey, agave nectar, chocolate (and you know what else could come in this group), etc. – chocolate too? Shoot me now!

2. Drink NO alcohol, whether beer and wine, or rum, whisky, etc. – that shouldn’t be much trouble just as long as no one stresses me out

3. Eat NO grains, including rice, wheat, corn, etc., including hidden forms, for example, batter-fried chicken (the batter contains grain) – no rice? Do I really have a clue what I am signing up for?

4. Eat NO processed foods at all. This includes breads, chips, biscuits, cake, savories, ice cream, pizza, etc. – Will try to fill all the afternoon hours in meetings lest the craving for junk surface during those dreaded hours!

5. Not eat out at all - will try to blame it on the recession in general.

6. Work out or do an activity for 45 minutes every day. You could start bodyweight exercises at home, and you could climb stairs several times fast, or walk outside, or play tennis, to complete this criterion. If you are already doing exercise, increase the intensity by 10 percent and time by 10 minutes. For weight trainers, this could mean increasing your loads or your total reps or both. If you are the type who skips core workouts because you lifted heavy, then be particular not to cheat this week. If you are too busy, remember you are saying no to yourself. Take 30, then – is there anything that is forgotten in this list? I guess will try to push self a little harder, as in increase work out days to daily from 4 days a week.

7. Eat (all) vegetables, except potatoes – potatoes is vegetable, no? I guess will even request OH’s mom to leave out the teaspoon of urad dhal from the tadka.

8. Eat (all) fruits, but no fruit juices. Do not exceed three portions a day – this will be the only week I sign up for this punishment. If fruits are good it better do good for me this week.

9. Eat (preferably lean) meats and eggs ad libitum – considering am a vegetarian, no meat for me. As for eggs, I am never sure which side of the fence I am on. For the next week, eggs will be consumed to keep protein levels at an optimum percentage.

10. Fast for 18 hourson any one occasion. If you can do two, even better. The hours need to be consecutive, and may include overnight sleep time – I wonder if this is a complete fast or milk/fruits are allowed?? I love those occasions when folks claim they are fasting but will eat fruits, drink milk, and eat one meal without salt (hee hee).

If this doesn’t do it, I am not sure what will. Anyone reading this is welcome to take this on at your own risk/peril Wish me luck and I will tell you all how it went at the end of the week.

On hindsight

As parents, we are always eager to enroll our kids in all kinds of classes. Each of us do it for many different reasons. While some want to expose their kids to all kinds of fun activities available, others want to enroll their kids into all those activities they have always wanted to learn in their childhood. There are some other who enroll their children in multiple activities out of peer pressure and there are those parents who enroll their kids in activities purely based on the child’s request and eagerness to learn said activity.

Before I have folks all ready to argue otherwise, let me just preface this statement with a disclaimer that this is largely based on my observation and may not reflect at all what the majority of the population. This urge/eagerness to open our children to the multiple activities is generally increasingly perceived with the first born. We are so excited about giving the best to our kids that, in our enthusiastic zeal, very rarely do we realize that at the same age, the most we did was return from school, run down to the street and play with our friends in the neighborhood. Our parents did enroll us in extra curricular activities but as I think back to those days, it was never the mad rush that it is today for most of us.

Not long after Meg started kindergarten, the activities we enrolled her in started ramping up as well. Within the next five years, she had at some point been enrolled in some combination of all the following activities aka art lessons, karate, soccer, swimming, music, dance, chess and kumon. The OH & I believed that if she tried out all of the above, she might eventually pick up the few activities that she liked the most and we could eventually help her pursue the ones that she enjoyed the most. It didn’t take us too long to realize that we couldn’t have been more wrong (I guess parenting eventually is a humbling experience to prove to us how stupid we were!) Meg was a trooper and was soon willing to do it all and did not want to quit any one of them. Soon, we realized that with the second kid entering the scene, this was neither practical nor healthy for the older child. So what ensued was a conversation with the girl to explain to her the insanity reasons for the need to pick a few favorite activities. The easy kid that she is, this wasn’t as hard afterall.

Wiser, from the first time around, our approach with the second was to not enroll him in any activities until he specifically made the request to be listed to try these activities. The only one that he wasn’t given the choice was swimming, because the OH & I strongly believe it is a life sport prior to being a physical activity. While we continued to torture put ourselves through driving Meg to all her classes, Raul enjoyed staying home with grandparents and enjoying his kindergarten years. He is now only enrolled in activities he asked for and much as we have our own opinions, the OH & I have been pretty good about not forcing him into anything to fulfil our agendas.

Meg is now at a point in her life where she is old enough to look at all her activities and give it some serious thought. She has been swimming for years now and swims in the pre-competitive team and wanted to go pro not too long ago. But somewhere in the past six months, the priorities have changed and the interest is now in an all new sport, volleyball. Despite the fact that we were a tad bummed by her decision to pursue volleyball over swimming, we convinced ourselves that eventually all that matters is that she is happy with her choice and enjoys her activities. So volleyball was in with a promise that swimming would be out once summer begins in this part of the country, where it is a season that is pretty much unbearable to be outdoors.

Where am I going with this long winded post? After only 3 weeks of volleyball, we can clearly see that Meg is not just good at it and enjoys it, but that she picks up the nuances of the games a lot quicker considering that she is at an age where comprehension comes much quicker. An activity that would have taken her 2-3 seasons to master when she was younger takes a lot shorter when she is older. This brought with it the realization that in our enthusiasm to enroll our children early in all sorts of activities, we don’t just tire ourselves & the child out, running helter skelter but we also end up spending a lot more finanacially than we really need to. If only we were smart enough to figure that out earlier, the OH & I could have saved ourselves a whole lot of time and money waiting it out a few more years. Instead of spending their precious childhood carting them to different classes, we would have given ourselves the time to keep them just to ourselves for a few additional years

At this point, I guess I have to acknowledge that there are some activities that benefit some an early start. But if you truly expect these activities to be hobbies, then there really isn’t a rush. The older they are, the better they understand and the more they enjoy their extra curricular activities. Hindsight afterall is twenty twenty.

What do you guys think? As always would love to hear your thoughts.

Writing prompt # 3 – Nearest funny fix

Many months ago, Altoid in her Writing Prompt # 3 request readers to take up this prompt. For the rules, go here.

Life throws the good, bad and ugly at you on a daily basis. During most of these times, the best way to make things easy on yourself is the ability to laugh. There is a reason for the laughter therapy & laughter being the best medicine. But to be able to have the ability to laugh at the most difficult situations or to be able to spend a few minutes each evening laughing, to relax from a stressful day, you either need to be born a comedian or have someone to enrich your lives with their presence and their sense of humor and comic timing.

Since I fall under the latter category as most of you have probably guessed from the nature of my posts, I am left to rely on others to bring humor into my daily life. I am indeed extremely fortunate to have such a person in my life, who also happens to be one of my BFF. I often joke to her how amazing it is that all funny things happen when she is around. All the clowns and crazy people that exist around us find their way into her life.

My day starts with chatting with her as I drive in to work and ends chatting with her on my way back from work. Most of the things we talk about are probably funny only to us but nevertheless, it makes up for some fun memories and good laughter. She has the uncanny knack of attracting the wierdest of people out in the world to bring laughter to our lives. We plan trips together, spend weekend nights chatting and giggling over completely silly and trivial incidents. Every little event in our lives is fair game.

When something is bothering the mind either from work or from a personal front, I can always count on her to make my day feel better. She always has the funniest anecdotes to narrate and can effortlessly bring cheer into my dull and boring day. My family often joke to me that when none of them know where I am, all they need to do is call this friend

Her mom is convinced that for me to be her best friend means that I definitely don’t fall under the “normal” category I wonder if that is really true but if being her friend means being slightly “abnormal”, I will take that anyday over not having her in my life. In hindsight, I realize that it is not her that attracts all the weird people around us, but it is her ability to find humor in the most mundane situations and everyday events.

I truly wish every single individual who is not born funny is blessed with one of her in their lives. She truly helps me accept the good and the bad life throws at me and face it with a smile each day of my life. Thanks Yo for being who you are and bringing that smile to my face each and every day.

This prompt had you written all over it and I promised myself I would take this up and write about you!!

The beginning of forever

Sixteen years ago this day, I picked up the phone to make conversation with a stranger for the first time. He sounded genuinely nice and completely honest. Within minutes of starting the conversation, he confessed to me how he was too broke to make a trip home to have this conversation in person. He shared with me what his meagre paycheck was and what he was doing in a country far away from home. He talked a little bit about himself and asked a lot of questions. He requested me to think long and hard if I was comfortable with the information he was giving me & the conversation we had shared since it would have a long-term impact on our lives.

I didn’t think much or for too long. His honesty touched my heart and I agreed to share the journey of life with him after a 15 minute conversation that was preceded by a quick glance at his photo. A couple of months later we were engaged. He couldn’t make it to the engagement. He was saving every dollar towards the trip he had to make for the wedding.

We were engaged for nine long months. We emailed each other occasionally, he called about once a month and we wrote letters frequently. That was the only time he wrote letters to me and I still have them saved along with a few other pieces of memorabilia. The months flew by. Wedding preparations were in full frenzy. My mom was busy with all tasks that needed to be complete except for one single key activity. She had the invitations back from the press but her heart would not give her the permission to hand it out to friends and family till she had seen the groom in person. That in her mind was the final irreversible step.

Not a single person we knew prior to my wedding had agreed to get married to someone without meeting each other in person. Everyone we spoke to was amazed and a tad weary about the decision. Mom had done everything she could but all we really could go by was sheer luck and pure intuition. Even my closest friend was scared for me and was silently praying for things to go well.

Finally the day dawned on us when the groom landed home for the wedding. Most of the family went to the airport to welcome him home and to catch a glimpse of him before completing the one final task. The OH landed and everyone in my family heaved a collective sigh of relief when they finally got to see him. We had twenty days before the actual wedding day to meet, spend time, get to know each other and be mentally and physically prepared.

After all the preparations, excitement, and anxious moments, here is a sneak peek at the bride on her wedding day.

 Many a folks have asked us since how things worked out and we met a host of other couples who made their decisions without meeting each other in person. To every single one who asked us for feedback, the OH & I have had just one this to say and that was to go with their gut & instinct.

Fifteen years, some fun memories and two lovely kids later, I can safely say it worked just fine for the two of us.  The beginning of forever indeed…

In addition to this being a special day from our lives, this post is also a response to Terri’s mom, who tagged me to post a blog-friendly photo of me as a bride

A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life!

Born & raised in a family of three girls, never once have my parents given us reason to feel that they missed having a son. Dad was always of the opinion that given more kids, his choice would always be more daughters. Dad grew up with just one brother who died when dad was in his teens. Having lost his mom at a very young age, he was overjoyed with his three girls and for some reason firmly believed that his girls are way more loving and will stay that way than any son he might have had.

I have forever enjoyed being a girl and never once has it ever crossed my mind that it would be any better being a boy. I pretty much grew up a tomboy and did everything for mom & dad that a boy would do in terms of physical activity. Mom & dad in turn raised us to be outgoing and taught us to go after what we strived for. Regardless of their financial situation they gave us the best that any child could ask for within the confines of what they believed was acceptable & affordable.

After we all left mom and dad’s home, we each landed in different parts of the world. Each of us got busy with our education and careers and mom and dad were happy in their world, knowing the kids were in a good place. Soon the kids happened and mom and dad have spent a good chunk of their days taking care of grandkids. They’ve spent a lot more of their time with us than they have in their own home.

Over the years, the OH’s parents shared the responsibility of raising our kids and alternated with my parents to visit & spend time with us. They now live with us year round except for occassional trips back home. Similarly my siblings also have their respective in-laws staying with them.

Where am I going with all this? Now we are at the point where the tides have turned so to speak and the parents as they age, need us and feel our absence more acutely. It is more often now than before that we hear mom mention how fortunate her sibling is to have her children living close to her and be instantly available to take them places, be it a doctor’s visit or a trip to the grocery store. As they age, they are losing their confidence to live by themselves and wish for the kids to be closer to them. They are torn between wanting to live by themselves and sharing a roof with their children especially since it isn’t affordable for them to live on their own in the country where we have made our living.

A recent surgery that dad had to undergo really made us uncomfortable about them living on their own as well. This prompted us to yet again reflect on the best place for them to live given that we all lived so far away from home. Midway throug these conversations, mom mentioned that they preferred to stay in their own home because it was hardly realistic for them to stay with us when each of us had our in-laws living with us. From mom’s perspective, it was nothing more than a statement and an absolute acceptance of our culture that the son’s parents get preference to living with the fruit of their womb than the daughter’s parents.

That was when I wondered and wished for the first time in my life that I were a son, that I had not just the wish, but the strong cultural justification to take care of them when they needed us the most, that we could go beyond the petty squabbles and co-exist as one family without the insignificant bickering that results from two sets of parents living together and dealing with their own set of insecurities. I wondered why as a daughter I had to make my choices while the OH could go through life not having to make any of these choices just be virtue of him being born a son? It is at such times that I wish I could drop it all in a moment’s notice and go back to being just their daughter and be there for them just like they have for me all my life.

I wonder, how does it help if a daughter is a daughter all her life if, she at times is forced to watch and accept what is dished out in the name of culture, society and norms? I silently resolve that when my turn comes, neither my daughter nor son will have to deal with this  situation. I pray for the strength to make a life for myself and give them the freedom to make their choices without the baggage of culture and norms. I promise myself to let them fly, once I have given them the wings and the confidence to take off on their own. When they do come back, it will be out of no moral obligation.

It’s 41 years this time around!

Mom and dad celebrate their 41st wedding anniversary today. In sickness and in health, in many fights and the ensuing truce, they have stayed with each other and given us a cherished childhood. As my friends often say, “you are so lucky to have mom and dad spend all this time with you and help take care of your babies. ” Yes, indeed! I have been one among the lucky few that has had the luxury of having mom and dad close to me for most of the last decade. They have done for me more than anything I could have ever asked for and I wrote about it here & here…

What my kids are today and the values they have in them are a testimony of the love grandma & grandpa have  showered on them. Loving & strict as the situation demanded, they have given the kids what some could only dream. Every word they speak in my mother tongue, every religious verse they recite & every bit of knowledge they have gained on our culture  is thanks to hours of patient effort from grandpa & grandma. The kids are indeed fortunate and am sure will cherish every moment they have spent with grandpa and grandma. They still go to bed each day with the smell of their grandma lingering in the saree she left behind for them

My career today is a gift they have bestowed upon me by taking care of my babies when I was working and attending school full-time. To let me do what I wished for, they have sacrificed their independence and happily nurtured my family way after I flew their nest. Thanks to their relentless effort, the OH & I have raised our kids unaware of the difficulties in raising them with a full-time job and a home to maintain. It is after all not too hard when the meals are cooked, the kids are bathed, fed, and entertained, the laundry is done by the time we are back from work.

On this special day, any words I say to them would not do justice to what they mean to us. I am sure they know in their heart how much they mean to us. My little sister has beautifully expressed our collective thoughts. Thanks sis for putting in words what each of us feel. In her own words…

 

 

Amma, Appa, we love you! Here’s wishing you many many more happy returns of the day!

Weekend color changes

from brown

 

to green

to white…

and all within a 3 hour drive to enjoy a short spring break with the family & friends. This was all within one state as well

Neither gas leaks nor non-working toilets made the slightest dent on all the fun. An eventful trip with much cooking (from pakodas to pav bhaji to dosa to bhel puri), outdoor activities (from snowball fights, to making smores by the fire), to watching the snow fall from our cabin windows, and midnight chatter & giggles with buddies after sending kids off to bed.

A wonderful trip filled with warm events to last a lifetime of memories.

Kerala Vacation – a day on the houseboat

Vacations are something every single one of us look forward to with a lot of excitement. Some of us plan it meticulously while other like to do it impromptu. While some of us like to spend our vacation visiting new places, experiencing new cultures and tasting new cuisines, for a few others it is going back to the same location every year and enjoy a relaxing time either pursuing their hobbies, interests or simply resting and not doing anything that constitutes a routine.

Most vacationers probably fall under a combination of the categories mentioned above. There are times when you want to take the time to smell the flowers and enjoy a relaxing cuppa tea and take a leisurely stroll, while at other times one would love to sit back and relax with a favorite book or movie.

Visiting family is one other kind of vacation that those of us that live far away from the home we were born and raised in tend to experience. Much as we love these reunions and opportunities to bond with family and old friends, we come back home feeling far from rested and wanting to take another vacation to recover from the most recent vacation.

Most times, the vacations that I enjoy the most are a combination of all the ones mentioned above. Thanks to a relatively long break in India this past December, the OH & I along with the two brats were able to steal ourselves for a week away from all the activity surrounding home and family. I wrote about one part of that vacation here.

Here is another part of this vacation and the wonderful time that we had on the houseboat that was our home for a serene and relaxing 24 hours. When the OH & I signed up for a day on the houseboat, we knew precious little about what we were getting into apart from what we researched & googled prior to the trip. The first part of our journey was a combination of quiet days mixed in with a series of activities to treat the eyes, ears, mind and palette. We ended our vacation with a day on the houseboat. To say that this was a beautiful culmination of a wonderful vacation would be fitting. After days of getting up to be one time for some activity or being on time to make the most of the breakfast buffet or making it on time to the boat ride at the Wild Life Sanctuary, it was absolutely blissful to settle into a boat that offered all the luxuries needed for a relaxing vacation.

After completing needed paperwork, the four of us boarded our houseboat along with four other crew members who would cater to our needs over the next 24 hours. From personalized candlelit dinners to afternoon cuppa chai accompanied by freshly made munchies, we were pampered the whole time. If the OH & Raul craved for some seafood, fresh catch of the day was just a minute stop along the island we passed. If Meg wanted to have the fresh salad the chef put together for lunch, he was only too pleased to make it all over again for dinner. If we were in the mood for some authentic Kerala cuisine, that was on the cards as well.  Want to bite into a mango off the mango tree? Just ask and the crew members are only too happy to take you with them and grab these delicious ones fresh off the tree. Want salt and chilli powder to go with it? Presented moments later on a platter for yor pleasure.

As if good food is not enough, the boat offered an idiot box with surround sound and the works to enjoy a movie after a rather heavy meal. Want to rest those eyes after the heavy meal and two hours of watching TV? You just need to take an extra few steps and you are in a bedroom with a comfy bed for a mid afternoon siesta.

In addition to the above creature comforts, the sight of the breathtaking sunset and sunrise were moments to relish.  Just as interesting to see were the boats that operated as school buses, paddle boats maneuveredby local residents to deliver milk, newspaper and other basic necessities. We spent a laid back morning watching the families go about their daily routine, kids run to make it in time for school and a host of other normal routines people go through each day.

A few hours later we were dropped back on land and we made our way to the airport for our flight back to our family. A few pictures from the joyful day…

In front of our boat, the Dream Cruise

 The OH busy getting tiny mangoes off the mango tree

 

 

 

 Our bedroom on the boat

 

 Raul doing some homework

Below: Our candlelight dinner

The school bus

 

 

 

 

 

The crew negotiating cost of seafood to be cooked in the boat.

Miscellaneous Musings

• Have you been exhausted to the point where all thought goes out the window and you are left with a puddle of your own tears?
• Have you ever been so bogged down by routine that the very same routine that brings sanity to your life normally is driving you crazy?
• Have you ever felt like throwing your arms up in the air and give up for a day and do nothing but watch mind numbing television, read a book or sleep endlessly?
• Have you ever reflected at the end of the day that while you are running on all gears every single day, life will go on just fine in your absence as well?
• Have you ever felt that you are constantly running around to let other people pursue/enjoy their hobbies and free time and your hobbies are nothing but moments stolen inbetween all the running around?
• Have you ever been so run down and low on energy that a weekend getaway with friends and family doesn’t look as appealing any more and all you want to do is curl up and sleep the weekend off?
• I would be the first one to go nuts when presented with days of no activity. Why then does the knowledge that the calendar for the next few weekends have already been filled with activities bring a certain feeling of being overwhelmed?

And when life looks gloomy, there is a glimmer of hope when the one you love gives you the space to deal with the exhaustion and consciously or by pure luck gives you a much needed break from the dreadful routine.