What goes around comes around!

Born & raised in a family of three girls, I have always been a tomboy. Be it climbing the attic or drive places in my then precious two-wheeler, mom always counted on me. Little did I care for personal grooming or looking pretty. Though, much to my sister’s chagrin, mom gave me additional liberties when it came to clothing choices, I didn’t care much and always chose comfort over looks. There wasn’t much mom and dad could afford in the name of new clothes with three girls to raise but they always did their best to ensure that we had a decent set to wear to school, college and work.

Memories of childhood are filled with mom constantly nagging coaxing me to dress nicely and take the time to look pretty. She took much pride in her girls and it bugged her no end to see me not dress to her expectations. Even after I left home following my marriage, mom would always get on my case to add a dab of lipstick, brush my hair or whatever was the flavor of the day every time whe visited us. Given that mom’s first trip was the year Meg was born, the last thing on my mind was grooming self, given the amount of time I had left between work, the baby and running errands and taking mom and dad places. For the most part, the lipsticks remained untouched, the clothes stayed relatively loose (despite the fact that I had the figure to carry off snug clothes back then) and little time was expended on attempting to look pretty. Wardrobe typically consisted of a jeans, loose T-shirts and a few shorts.

Over the years, somewhere along the road, things changed and am a very different beast than what I used to be. Choice of clothing has changed dramatically and so has the energy and enthusiasm to go the extra mile to dress pretty. The kind of clothes I pick have changed as well and I now will make the effort to color coordinate the clothes to the accessories. I have also realized that I am a lot more confident with the clothes I choose and the way I carry it off. I would like to think that in my own head, I have created a sense of sexy versus vulgar and now more often, I dress sexy and still shy away from anything that to my mind feels vulgar or obscene.

During my pregnancy, when people often asked me if I would like a boy or a girl, I always responded that I only cared for a healthy baby but given a choice would love to have a girl to dress up and do all the stuff I wanted to but never could due to various circumstances beyond my control. To say I was thrilled when Meg was born would be a complete understatement. I was excited no end and probably spent more money on clothes in her first 5 years of life than my parents probably spent during my entire childhood. Cute shorts, halter necks, pretty dresses, lovely skirts, she had it all.

But obviously, as you can expect that was short lived. What I soon realized was the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. This little kid, who looked nothing like me and took after her father’s family in looks and personality had taken the one trait from me that I so wish she hadn’t. A true tomboy, she could care less about the barbie dolls and the girlie toys. Little did she care for the clothes we chose for her. She had a mind of her own and right after she could tell the difference, she chose comfort over looks. Today, at age 11, she is still that way and I see distinct signs of my mom in me. Not a day goes by without the OH & I reminding her to do her hair, dab some cream and dress pretty. Meg, being stubborn as she is, will never fight us but will continue to do as she pleases. She knows exactly what she wants and nothing we say makes the slightest difference. I often tell her that it is so not worth spending the money buying her clothes. I’d much rather buy a few pillow cases and cut out the sleeves and neck and that would probably look way better than the clothes she chooses to wear. 

My friends chide me that when most parents would love for their kids to be like Meg, I fret over the fact that she dresses conservative. Obviously that doesn’t stop me from wishing that she would dress pretty and give the girls in her class a stiff competition She has gorgeous skin and the perfect figure but nothing I say will convince her to do things different. I watch her each day and see my childhood stare back at me. I so wish I could make her realize what took me years to figure out. If only she was willing to listen & learn from my experience…

As in most cases, I play my own devil’s advocate and console myself that if that is what makes her happy, who am I to nag her endlessly to change her style. After all didn’t I change oevr the years. Maybe she will too when she is ready to tread that path. Till then maybe I should just let her be herself. Isn’t looks and how she dresses mostly superficial? Isn’t it more important that she grows to be a kind and intelligent human being? But a tiny part of this mom still craves for the fruit of her womb to do what it takes to make herself look gorgeous.  A tiny part of this mom does not want her to regret this years later. Now I can completely relate to how my mom felt watching me grow.

I guess while she figures things out for herself, all this mom can do is watch from the sidelines, pray for the realization to dawn sooner than later and hope that the transformation to a beautiful butterfly is in the making shortly!!! Meg, some day when you are reading this, I am sure you will realize this is mom saying “I told you so”

Silver for snack, Marbles for dinner!

If the title of the post makes little sense to you, I can understand completely. After all it is not often that one comes across such excitement in their lives. Having kids of course changes all that with every passing day. You never know when a mundane day turns into an unforgettable moment. Let me just say, it was a exciting weekend.

A, if you think your story about the boys and the gold ring was unbelievable, wait till you read this…

April 25th, 1:30 p.m. MST

Just like any other saturday afternoon, post cooking, cleaning, feeding kids lunch, getting them to finish their homework and completing miscellaneous tasks around the house, I settled down hoping for a relaxing hour catching up on the book I have been attempting to finish for a few weeks.

Smiling at the fact that both kids were busy watching TV and playing the computer respectively and were at an age when they don’t need to be monitored every minute of the day (hah who was I kidding??) I was about 15 pages through the book when I hear the sound of crying. As I stopped concentrating on the book and was looking out for either one of them running in any minute to tattle on the other sibling, Raul walks into my room amidst a puddle of tears and the following words…

“Amma, I swallowed by silver ring!” As the brain struggled to comprehend what he had just uttered, the mom instincts took over and I calmly (yeah right!) walked him over to the kitchen and handed him a glass of water to swallow, all the time hoping that the pain he was complaining of in his throat was not because of a ring stuck in there. As he drank the water with little difficulty, the brain eased a tad bit. Grandma quickly suggested that I give him a banana to eat, hoping that would help slip the ring further down the throat. The banana was ingested fairly effortlessly and the crying had also subsided by this time.

As I question him on how his throat feels, he tells me that it doesn’t hurt anymore but that he can feel the ring in his throat. Wondering if it was the irritation of a foreign object stuck in the thoat not too long ago, I decided to call the doctor’s office rather than drag him into the emergency room.

Fifteen minutes later, following a calming conversation with the pediatrician on call, things looked fine. She made sure he hadn’t swallowed anything that contained lead or batteries in it, she explained to me that he would eventually poop it out in the next couple of days. She mentioned that giving him the water was the right thing to do and questioned if he showed symptoms of excessive drooling. She mentioned that when young kids swallow stuff that gets stuck in the esophagus, they tend to drool as the salivary glands begin working overtime. She finished off the call on the comment that Raul was going to have to fish out his ring from a whole lot of shit (no pun intended) if he wanted it back.

Even as I am having a panicked conversation with the pediatrician, the little twit runs down the stairs to tell his sister with much pride that he swallowed his little ring. Will this child ever grow to be responsible? After all there are only a few more strands of black hair left on my head. I guess once they are all white I start losing them

To help keep our sanity, we resorted to humor & filled the rest of the weekend with jokes about Raul having to dig his ring out of the potty. Since he promised to take good care of the ring when we bought it for him back in December during our India vacation, we told him that it was only prudent that he make the effort to revive it The poor kid was traumatized for a while and scared stiff to hit the restroom

This morning, we asked him if he was happy with waffle for breakfast or if he’d like precious metals placed on a platter!! The jokes have been never ending now that the scare is behind us.

p.s. If you are wondering about the marble part, that happened a couple of years back when he was at a friend’s place. He threw the marble up in the air and looked up to ctach it with his mouth wide open. I am sure you can all guess where it landed. We have only the power above to thank for keeping him safe. We consoled ourselves back then that he was little and litttle boys do this kind of stuff all the time. I guess he has a long way before we can claim he has grown up!!

Around the world in 80 clicks

This tag comes my way from sole, one of my favorite mommy blogger (just trust me when I say I have a personal bias here ) She is amazing with kids and has loved every minute raising each and every one of her nieces and nephews before she had her two brats. Someone with infinite patience and very few words, every post I see from her amazes me at how much she has to say that she seldom does. Thanks sole for the lovely tag.

Here are my top 5…

Coming home to see dirty socks on the center table, lunch bags on the kitchen island, musical instruments adorning the dining table, bakugan balls that hurt you when you try to seat your tired ass someplace, homework papers lying all over the counter waiting to be done, empty food wrappers decorating the windowsill and two lovely brats who run to say hi knowing full well they are going to be yelled at in the next 30 seconds – a home that feels lived in.

Requesting them prioritize a few mundane tasks like brushing teeth, homework, bath,eating & reading resulting in a comments like “This is just not fair!”, “You are mean, amma”, “Can I do that after 5 minutes?”, “Can she do it before me?” & “How come you never tell him that?” – children you have raised to have a mind of their own.

American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers, Cheetah girls, Zack & Cody, Drake & Josh, Pokemon, Bakugan, Transformers, Super Mario Bros, fusion (not the obvious but the kind of skateboard), razor (not the shaving kind), Tony Hawk, Crazy 8, drug FAQs, of rubberbands on T-shirts – lessons that were not part of our curriculum growing up. How else do we stay smart & intelligent?

“Amma, can you make pulav?”, “Amma, can you sign this?, “Amma, can I go on this field trip?, “Amma, can I get this year’s yearbook at school?”, “Amma, can you mark your calendar for this date when I act in the Shakespeare play?”, “Amma, can you play scrabble with me?”, “Amma, will you take us to this movie?”, “Amma, can I got to my friend’s house to play?”, “Amma, does this shirt go with these shorts?”, “Amma, can you get me this game?” – so many mundane questions that makes you realize how much your world and life revolves around them and vice versa.

After an exhausting day at work, a tiring drive home, a mad rush running the kids to swimming, soccer, chess, dance and a thousand other activities followed by homework, dinner, cleanup, you finally crash for the day wiped out only to be tugged at vigorously by two pairs of hands that wake you. Just when you are ready to lose it & scream your head off, you hear two voices say in unison ”I love you, sweet dreams, don’t let the bed bugs bite, see you tomorrow morning, you are the best mom ever (followed by a kiss and a hug!!) – You are not left with words at this point.

As the Mastercard ad says, “Some things money can’t buy!!” – Motherhood has been one such experience. Thanks to them, I am not just a mom but a much better human beings

Now to the rules of the tag

Just write a post of your own (5 things that you love about being a mom/dad) and find someone to link to and tag – someone from your own country, if you like, but definitely someone from another country (Google is a good resource if you don’t know any; google any country name and ‘mom/dad’ in their blog search function) (be sure to let them know that you’ve tagged them!) – and link back to HBM and leave a comment.

The five people who follow me + the thousands more that I follow in the blog world have all been tagged. I hope these mum’s haven’t already been tagged!

Blogpurri

Rads

Cee Kay

Friday Shrink

Karen Cheng

Yeh naa-insafi hai!!

Sand: Raul, when is Amma’s birthday?

Raul: 23rd amma.

Sand: Are you 100% sure?

Raul: hmmm is it the 24th amma?

Sand: What do you think?

Raul: It’s either the 23rd or 24th.

Sand: When is Appa’s b’day (I know that mean but…)

Raul: 14th

Sand: Are you 100% sure?

Raul: yes!

Sand:

———————————————————————-

Sand: You need to pick Raul up from Chess since grandpa has to go somewhere

OH: Will try to shuffle my meetings around

Sand: Once you pick him up make sure you take him to swimming at 5 and Meg to swimming at 6.

OH: Alright

This morning both chess and swim lessons got cancelled. Some people are just plain lucky (hmphhh!!)

Cruising along!!

A: I would like to travel in a newer ship!

B: That’s great but I need to stick to this budget and not go over.

C: Let’s do a tour of the land prior to our time on the ship.

A: I would like a room with an oceanview.

B: Let’s check what a room with a balcony costs.

C: The following dates are the only dates that work given our other constraints.

A: We need to ensure that we are in one of the decks on the top.

B: We should also make sure we are closer to the center of the ship.

C: Make sure you buy the dramamine (sea sickness medication) ahead of time. Very expensive on the ship.

A: I hear the helicopter ride above the glacier is to die for and worth every penny.

B: The kayaking along the mountains I hear is beautiful and breathtaking.

C: The hiking is supposed to be scenic and wonderful.

After days of research…

A: Doing land and water is cost prohibitive.

B: If I am going to spend x dollars for the sea part, I personally don’t mind spending x more dollars to tour the land.

C: I can’t take too many days off ‘coz every day of vacation is zero payday.

A: I would rather take more days off ‘coz we don’t get the opportunity to take much time off.

After more research…

A: there is no way we can contain this within our budget for both land and sea.

B: We really can see & do a lot of the land stuff by just taking advantage of the excursions offered on the sea trip.

C: We can always do a land only trip to the same destination a few years from now.

After more shopping and searching…

A: I have an itinerary that fits the budget and looks interesting.

B: Looks good but I’d like one that comes with a Golf simulator, a rock climbing wall and a putt putt golf course.

C: Why can’t we price out going from X location to Y location instead of the current route?

A: We probably can save a bundle on airfares if we try this approach.

After weeks of research, realization dawns that cost is relative and none of the options are within the budget.

A: Let’s do an inside stateroom. After all we are not going to spend much time in there given that we are going to be together & spending most of the time together outside the room.

B: Let’s can the land tour and stick to just the sea part.

C: I found it all on a newer ship but the cost is x dollars higher.

A: This option is cheaper but the crowd is much older and the food is bland.

B: This options is good but is not available on our dates.

C: This option is great and x dollars higher but alleviates 8 of the 10 requests made.

After further number crunching…

A: Let’s all meet up in 2 days and finalize plans.

B: We absolutely have to confirm itinerary by end of this week to confirm pricing.

C: We can then move on the planning the rest of the items on the checklist.

Come weekend…

A: Why can’t we look into this option B that my buddy mentioned to save additional dollars on the airfare?

D: Airfare to Australia is real good right now. How about go to Australia instead?

B: Really?? When do you have to travel to Australia by?

At the end of the discussion…

A: If we don’t think through all options and confirm by tomorrow I am opting to stay home and not go on vacation.

B: I concur!!

C: Let’s give it one last shot and price the other option out!

(Collective groan…)

Following a few more hours of excrutiating research and grilling of the travel agent…

We are where we never thought we’d be…

We are still good friends and all are alive and well. The vacation has been confirmed. Flights have been booked. Insurances have been acquired. Alcohol policies & corkage fees have been reviewed. Gratuity & tips have been accounted for. Hotel rooms have been booked. Dining preferences have been communicated. Proximity to other rooms have been established.

Now the four crazy families are off to a mad mad vacation that will for sure be filled with lots of food, relaxation, adventure, laughter, giggles, fun, goofy pictures and memories that will last a lifetime.

Yeh tho hona hi tha!

After silently enduring 10 years of abuse from constant pressure & stress, the wrist has decided to revolt and force me to slow down. The pain is unbearable and has reduced me to a sobbing mess. The wrist is now all wrapped up and kept under careful observation lest it gets any worse. Due respect will now be given to ensure utmost care/rest to avoid further damage. Hoping the next couple of days will bring on complete relief. The various parts of the aging body are sending a strong message to not take them for granted anymore. Please bear with me as I take a few days to nurse it back to health.

Leaving you with a picture of the wrapped and bandaged wrist…

Summer camp – to enroll or not!!

Summer vacation for the kids is just around the corner. Actually even though it is a couple of months away, the frenzy for enrolling kids in summer camps is in full swing. Registrations are open and there is a mad rush for most camps. Now is the time to act if you don’t want to be left behind in all this action.

As I watch all this activity unfold, I am taken back to my childhood. This constant reminder of my childhood can only mean two things – either I am growing old or that I am reliving my childhood through my two dear brats. Come to think of it, the answer lies in a combination of both the above reasons Summer vacations back home was synonimous of late mornings, leisurely days spent hanging out with friends in the neighborhood, reading books, playing games with siblings, watching TV, going to the beach, pigging on all the yummy hot food mom cooked up and indulging in any activity that did not include math, science and all things school-related.

I can hardly recollect mom and dad thinking of enrolling us in any extra curricular activities in summer. A lot of times, mom would sit us with a couple of  kids who came to her to learn tamil during the summer. Mom used to teach prior to getting married to dad and enjoyed this vocation every summer. This is how I learned to read my mother tongue in spite of not taking a single year of tamil in school. We would in addition visit and spend time with cousins and have a blast. I am sure a factor in not sending us to all kinds of classes was mom and dad’s financial constraints. At the same time, I don’t remember seeing multiple brochures coming our way at the onset of summer either. It probably was just a given that summer vacation was all about enjoying time doing nothing and having a whole lot of fun at it.

That is hardly the case today. Months prior to summer, we are assailed by fliers, pamphlets, brochures, emails and advertisements related to the various summer programs. There is a camp for every activity you can imagine. There’s tap, hip hop, ballet for girls, there is ceramic, photography, pottery for kids so inclined, their off-site camps for the adventurous, there is introduction to algebra and anatomy for the parents who want to keep their tots academically challenged (can’t think of too many kids who would want to spend their summer choosing this!!). The choices are mind bogling and the cost is enough to have you pass out at the very sight of the numbers floating in front of your eyes.

To make matters worse, you have friends enrolling their little ones in all kinds of activities and peer pressure makes you wonder if you should be doing the same to give your own the exposure to fifteen other activities they may or may not pursue. A common reason for parents to enroll kids in such activities is for them to learn something new and not spend their entire day watching television. Much as I believe in not letting the kids spending too much time in front of the idiot box, isn’t that the whole fun of summer vacation? To do things that are not possible during the school year? Typically, I like to draw a schedule out for them to do a combination of activities that include TV time, reading time, playing in the pool time (weather permitting), games time etc.

If I do have to enroll them in summer activities, I would much rather spend the money on activities they enjoy and want to pursue. Am not sure about other kids but mine are pretty happy to spend their summer staying home with grandma & grandpa, getting up late and lazing around the house for the rest of the day. They don’t miss any of these camps and I am lucky to have their grandparents around. That eliminates the need for me to dump enroll them in some camp just so they are looked after when I am at work.

Every year I torture put myself  through this phase of mom guilt that I am depriving the kids of many activities that I could potentially expose them to. Maybe these other kids will all be smarter for having tried it all. A part of me wonders if it all comes down to cost cutting. Then I know that’s not true since I spend more money flying the grandparents in to spend time with them than any summer camp would ever cost. Having them spend time with grandma and grandpa is absolutely priceless. Any amount of money I spend cannot equal the love, affection and attention they enjoy in each other’s company.

After weeks of enduring subjecting myself to this guilt and dragging the OH through it as well, realization dawns that if we turned out okay without any such activities so will the kids. They will learn their interests and passions as they grow and will hopefully have fond memories of summer vacations spent at home in the company of grandparents. If they wish to attend any specific activities, we will give them the opportunity to do it but unless the request comes from them summer will continue to mean lazy days vegging at home in the Sands residence and hopefully hours spent playing Scrabble, Taboo, Chess and Wii

A Mother’s angst!

How do you make your kids realize that…

• Washing laundry means sorting like colored clothes, washing, drying, folding and hanging them and is not complete until all the above tasks are completed in sequence.
• The wrappers that adorn their favorite snacks belong in the trash can after said snack has been consumed instead of being stashed away behind the couch/under the center table or atop the windowsill.
• School bags don’t belong on the dining table but in their room in their allotted spaces.
• Dirty clothes belong in the hamper and not all over the bedroom floor.
• Swim clothes need to be hung on the makeshift clothesline for the next class instead of being piled wet atop the hamper.
• Beds need to be made each morning before leaving the bedroom to pursue other activities for the day.
• Toys have their own place and cannot be littered all around the house never  to be found when in need.
• The house belong to them just as much as mom and dad and it is their responsibility to keep their things neat and clean.

Anyone got any ideas? This tired mom could do with some ideas/suggestions and will be eternally grateful!

Friday funnies

Some cartoons on blogging that came my way. In the spirit of sharing, here they are for your reading pleasure

and finally…

Happy friday!!

The big O-N-E!

I never for once believed I would continue this long. I started following you at friend’s sites and moved from one to the other with just a few easy clicks. The more I clicked the more hooked I was. It was not long before I jumped on the bandwagon. It was our little secret space, a place where I could vent, relive and document my many memories, good, bad & ugly. Talking to you made me feel better, calmer and more rational. You listened silently to my rants, my joys and everything happening in my word.

Through you, I have had the opportunity to meet many wonderful people and forge some beautiful friendships that have enriched my life. You have made it easy for me to reach out to strangers, living far from me, who happen to share my views and have been wonderful enough to soothe me when in pain and offer suggestions when I am struggling with what life throws at me. You have given me a medium to talk to my children and some day hopefully they will be able to understand my rationale and know how much I loved them long after I cease to exist.

As you turn one, I wanted to take a moment to tell you how much of a difference you have made to my life. You will always be my medium to reach out and say the things that I will never be able to speak otherwise. Here’s to our lovely future. May you live long, my blog!!

I came across this quote by Samuel Jackson today and it seemed so relevant to finish my post with…

“What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure!”

The day this happens is the day this page will cease to exist. I want you to remember that everything that goes on this page is straight from the heart. That is my promise to you!