Food for thought #1

How is it that one appears efficient and extremely quick in the eyes of one person

while to someone else

the exact same person is perceived as lacking in speed and efficiency (right word here is surusuruppu!!) ?

Of course, this is given that all else is equal expect for the eye of the beholder…

Sachai ki keemat – Price of Truth

How valuable is your privacy to you?

– Would you be willing to share it to the world in exchange for money?

– Would you be willing to share it with the world in front of your near and dear?

– How accurate are polygraph tests? I read that the tests are extremely accurate but errors are always a possibility and is dependant on the person who interprets the readings.

– Why would someone who is brutally honest about confessing to his willingness to cheat on his wife if he knew for sure she wouldn’t know in front of her lie about whether he has ever stolen any valuable in his earlier job? Does that make any sense?

– Is it worth living a millionaire after falling hard in the eyes of the people you love and who love you?

– Is the right answer always confessing to the worst case scenario as you inch towards the big cash rewards?

These are some of the questions that popped in my head as I watched the new show Sach Ka Samna on the idiot box late at night as I was unwinding after an exceptionally looong day!!

Bachchon ke khatir

As a family, we see and do many a sacrifice and put in an extra effort for the fruit of our womb. We love them unconditionally and hope for their best. It is so easy for us to put our own lives on the back burner to ensure their happiness and at the end of it all have no regrets about our decisions (in most cases except when we beat ourselves up for screwing up all so often…) We augh with them, we cry for them and we pray for them. We expend significant energy and time loving and caring for this wonderful gift that has been placed in our care to shape, mould and release when they are confident in their own wings.

How far would you take this sentiment? We often hear our parents condone the western lifestyle for their walking away from a relationaship when things don’t work. The Indian culture nurtures and trains you to believe in your marriage and drills it into your head to give it all that you have. But really how far is that? I see more and more people stay in relationships for the sake of their children and it makes me wonder the value of it all.

If you are in a relationship that has turned extremely sour, do you continue to hang on to the remnants of the marriage for the sake of the children? We often rationalize that children need both sets of parents but how useful is that if the same set of parents don’t love each other the way they should and only have bitterness left in their hearts? Is it still beneficial for the kids to be exposed to their bickering parents and find comfort in the fact that they all share one roof? Don’t these same children deserve to see real love in their childhood to understand and appreciate what it represents?

I sometimes remark to the OH when we meet couple who are poles apart and have nothing in common that when the day arrives that we have nothing in common, the best we can do for each other is part ways and continue to maintain a healthy respect for each as individuals. But is this easier said than done? What is it that causes us to hang on to something so broken and yet fear walking away from it even though what you have in it is nothing more than misery? Is known misery a better choice than the unknown future?

Divorce is still a social stigma in some cultures and we would rather endure a failed marriage than cut the chord and look for happiness in this short life that we live. Is it then fair to say that we are staying in it for the sake of our kids? Do the kids really gain from living through this tension everyday of their lives? And what if the child is not a talker and holds it all within his/her tiny heart just when he/she is forming his/her own opinions that contribute to shaping them into lovely individuals? Isn’t that detrimental to them and are the parents not better off finding love elsewhere and sharing their happy environments with the children? I believe children are resilient and will adapt given a strong support structure and the comfort that they are loved by both parents regardless of whether they live together or not.

I am not sure if there is a right or wrong answer to this dilemma but I do know that the decision has to be made by the two people in the relationship. But there needs to be someone outside who can give them the courage to stand up for themselves and their happiness. But if that one person they trust and lean on is old school and advises them to stick to a broken relationship you can’t do much but watch helplessly from the sidelines and pray for their peace and happiness. It makes it all the more painful to watch the beautiful children suffer for absolutely no fault of theirs. These lovely children and their parents deserve so much more happiness.

Tell me I am not crazy. How many people out there still believe one should hang on to a lost relationship in the name of the kids? Are the kids really that shattered when their parents split that they would rather live through and accept a strained and tense relationship?

Mish mash of this that and the other!!

Dropped friend off at airport yesterday. Evenings feel dull and borings without her to chat & gossip with. Kids had such a blast though. Raul pulled an all nighter with friend’s kids ‘coz they were leaving the next morning. Then of course he promptly went to sleep for the next 5 hours from 6 -11 am (but of course )

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School starts monday. Can’t believe summer vacation is all done and the kids are back in school next week. Got to meet Raul’s new teacher while Meg took grandpa and got her immunization record certificate from the doc’s office, her id done at the new school and picked up her schedule for the next 2 semesters (slowly accpeting the fact that she is fast growing up and turning extremely independant — as expected I am having mixed emotions….)

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Friends leave and family arrives. It’s been a fun month for the kids with vacation, followed by a week with friends followed by a week hanging out with their cousins who are visiting. It is always such fun to watch them spend time and bond with friends and family. Every time we have family visit, we are left wondering why life couldn’t go back to everyone living together under one big roof like it used to be once upon a time…

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As one friend leaves another one struggles with issues of her own and it feels pretty crappy to have to watch her deal with the demons from the sideline. I wish there was something more concrete than moral support that I can give her. Sometimes I just wish life could be a whole lot simpler.

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Plesantly surprised today to actually have the abstract faces & people from the blogging world coincide with the more real & personal world of facebook. Happened to chance upon pictures of a blog acquaintance through common friends in facebook and that brought a smile to the face.

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It’s almost the weekend but with family in town and plans for the weekend it will be gone in a blur. Lofty plans on the cards and only the next few days will tell how many get accomplished

After a very long time, happened to listent to this lovely number by ARR and now have it stuck in my head In the spirit of sharing here it is…

En Kadhale from the movie Duet

Alaska – tasveeron mein

Pictures do no justice to this gorgoeus place but that doesn’t mean we didn’t try. Presenting a snapshot of our fun filled vacation…

kids playing cards @ airport during our 3 hour flight delaybus we rented to tour anchorage & shuttle us to the cruiselinesunrise in anchoragepet reindeer in anchoragelog railing connected together with no nails

snow capped mountainswaterfalls everywhereparaglider taking offour home for a week

Harvard Glacier

Fairweather mountain & St. Elias

Marjorie Glacier - glacial melting sounded like mini thunderstorms

pool on boad the ship

Jacuzzi on the shiphiking in skagway - your truly

Counting gold in Skagway - conned him into believing he had enough to buy his dream car

Sipping tea in Skagway - yummm!!

Mendenhall Glacier - Juneau, Alaska

Mendenhall Glacier - Aerial view

Our float plane to Misty Fjord National Monument - there are more float planes registered in Alaska than cars

Misty Fjord National Monument - 2.5 million acres of pure nature & wilderness

An island in Misty Fjord

A resevoir in Skagway

and finally girls acting goofy

Yeh dosti hum nahi chodenge!!

“A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway“ said Jerome Cummings.

If you count your blessings by the good friends you have made in life, I can say am truly blessed. In every phase of my life I have had the good fortune of spending time with some of the most wonderful people. People & times I have cherished when the physical distance separating us spread from a few to a few thousand miles. Each of these individuals have in some way shaped who I am am today. It is not everyday that I get to chat with these folks or reach out to say hi to them, but when I do get the opportunity to spend time with them, I have always been able to take off from where we left off the last time and move right along like the years of separation did little to our small world.

As Elizabeth Gilbert explains beautifully in her book ”Eat, pray, love“, each of us are always looking for that special person who loves us and find comfort & happiness in the fact that someone loves us but when in our own mind we feel the absence of this love, we get insecure. We fear losing control and wonder what it is that changed those feelings. There are many people who care for us and love us unconditionally at different points in life. Be it the family by birth or the family acquired through wedlock, we represent an important part in each other’s life. But when the same love transcends all relationships of blood and is formed by mere association, there is a unique beauty and warmth to it.

What happened today to bring such lovely memories to the forefront, you wonder? The past few days have been spent in the company of one such friend. She & I met during the age of the dinosaurs in a tiny town nestled between the Blue Ridge Mountains. We were both newlyweds in a land far from home. We were both missing our families and lonely in a new land when our spouses were off at work. Neither of our husbands were very close friends but destiny brought us together. A friendship was born and it solidified as time went by. In personality, we were chalk and cheese but we shared many a common factors – we were both broke, had the luxury of time, called the same country home and were strangers in the country we had embraced. We spent every waking moment together either on the phone or driving around town shopping for trivia. We even bought our first new car together – same make and model, just different colors

While she is quiet I am talkative, she is a SAHM and I love my career, she is creative and artistic and I am creatively & artistically challenged, and she loves creating jewelry while I love wearing them. She opened her life to me and made me a part of it. She loved to feed me and I spent days with her parents in India when she couldn’t be there. She loved to share her things with me and admire her creations on me every time we went to parties. We did roadtrips together and anyone around us couldn’t help but feel left out for no fault of ours. This was one friendship the spouses knew was etched in stone and they were only too happy to indulge us and in turn learn to appreciate each other.

Soon it was time to part. Jobs and careers took us in different directions. We had families of our own and life took over. We didn’t talk as often. Neither did we get to meet as often. We caught up with each other when we could grab a few moments and kept track of each other’s lives. We tried to make it to important events in each others lives for a few years after we moved cities but after the OH & I moved a second time, we ended up on either sides of the coast. It is now after nearly 11 years of coaxing and persuading that I was able to succeed in getting her to visit me with her two munchkins.

The past few days have been bliss. We’ve practically been joined at the hip. Meals together, long distance trips with the kids, coversations late into the night about family, friends, relationships, conversations with my little girl for company, watching late night television, discussions on homes bought, homes to be built/bought, child rearing, taking her to parties and pujas - we’ve done it all. She watches like a mother hen and questions me later on why a certain person looked at me a certain way… She doesn’t let me sleep even when the eyelids threaten to shut themselves for fear of missing those precious few moments. When Meg looks to her for support on getting her way, she tells her gently that much as she loves and pampers her, she loves me first and has her loyalties locked down. She tells me she has nowhere to go and nothing to see and all she wants out of this vacation is quality time with me. She is candid and tells my friends that the one reason she will move to a city that will melt her with it’s intense summers is only for the sake of one and only one person — me!!

When I chide her for not wearing all the beautiful jewelry she creates, she casually tells me that’s her hobby and will go to her grandkids. She loves girls and has two boys. I joke to her often that she can either adopt me or take Meg as her daughter-in-law. We spent a few hours last night telling Meg that I was going to let A aunty adopt me for the pure luxury of slipping away from the mundane and having someone pamper me forever. I know all is said is jest but I also know deep down that she will take me under her wings in a heartbeat if the situation warrants that.

She has two adorable boys and Raul has been having a blast. Raul is an easy going kid and with one older sister has never had the luxury of being guarded by an older brother. The past few days, I have watched him in their company and my friend’s older boy is ever watching and only to eager to guard him and indulge him constantly. They sleep together, eat together and spend every moment together. As I watch them, I hope and pray that one day they can take what we have created to the next generation.

I honestly don’t know what I have done to deserve the unconditional love I am privy to. She spoils me rotten be it with gifts or with her attention. I felt miserable this morning as I left for work with her at home. But late last night she handed me the earring that was her grandmothers and as always insisted I wear it to work today. I guess somethings never change I recently came across a quote by Lee Iaccoca. He said “My father always used to say that when you die, if you’ve got five real friends, then you’ve had a great life.”  With a friend like her, there isn’t much more I need to count… I am sure you all agree this post needs a kala tika.

Awesome – and me?

Sole sent this tag my way weeks ago and I have been sitting on it for what feels like forever. She I know is exercising all of her patience to not ask me about it. On my part, anything sent me way is like an Action item now on my plate and it eats away at me till the task is complete. If you are wondering why then I haven’t gotten round to it, the answer is simple. I haven’t been able to think up 7 awesome things about me that I can list here. Talking about the kids, friends and family is easy peasy but put me in the limelight and words fail me. Now if the tag was about 7 things I hate about myself, I would have been all over that. I could even come up with a list as long as Lord Hanuman’s tail. But a tag is a tag and has to be honored in my humble opinion. Thus on the lines of those management training sessions we take up at work that makes you list your positives and negatives, much as you hate it, let me give this a try. Another lesson on the fact that not everything we have to do in life is pleasant or easy but at times needs to be done.

I am an awesome person and here is why…

• I make sure the kids are loved, fed, their needs are taken care of , they are never forgotten at school (I say this only because the OH has the distinction of forgetting to pick up Meg when I was travelling for work many years ago but I refuse to let him live that one down!!), they know I am always there for them regardless of where I physically am and the fact that I am responsible for yelling and screaming at them as needed to make sure they do the right thing (someone has to do it and given that one is a sucker to all their requests the other has to step up to the plate!)
• I do the laundry each week and can fold clothes like they have been ironed and save time and money from the actual task of ironing and all the unused electricity. I have succeeded in not letting colors run across clothes and the OH’s shirts have retained their original color except for the one time soon after marriage when a white shirt turned a lovely shade of baby pink.
• I keep track of all the kids activities, bills to be paid, finances to be managed (what there is of it!!), groceries to be done & returns/exchanges for even the stuff the OH buys (since he will be dead before he is spotted in the customer service counter for the same.) I even watch for real sales when buying stuff (the OH is famed for bringing home a big brown bag filled with beans that he claimed cost 50 cents and a look at the receipt much later revealed the true cost to be $6 and the savings to be 50 cents )
• I can easily forgive petty squabbles and accept everyone with their faults. I can even accept that I am far from perfect and if people can live with me then I can do far better at letting go of insignificant issues and enjoying life.
• I never fail to give my 100% to any task on hand. Whether it is planning a vacation or completing a task at work, I make sure I do the necessary research and all the planning that goes with it. I am anal retentive most times but that comes in handy when you have a significant other who believes 100% in delegation versus do-it-yourself!!
• I pride myself of the fact that be it friends or family, they totally believe that they can trust me to get their work done. The very fact that the in-laws will come to me to take care of their little needs and won’t even think of asking their son is pretty cool, don’t you think?
• I love people and have so much to say. When I am in the room, there is never an uncomfortable silence or a pause in the conversation. Sometimes this quality is invaluable especially when the sginificant other is too tired and can fall asleep in the midst of company or when you have a room filled with shy people and the responsibility of entertaining falls squarely on your shoulders!!!

Phew!! There you have it.  Atleast now I have a place I can send future employers when they ask me for my strengths and weaknesses and what makes me a perfect candidate After having mercilessly thrown the OH under the bus in this one, I am now going to have to self tag myself to do the one that has been floating around the blogosphere on how awesome your significant other is to redeem myself…

Edited to add: I forgot the one part of tagging other folks. If you are reading this post consider yourself tagged and please leave me a comment so I can stop by and read about how awesome each of you are!!

Khushi ka formula

 

Amma's yummy homemade chocolate cake with chocolate icing!!

 

 

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swim & sleepover with best friends...

 

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dinner with the whole family at favorite restaurant

 

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favorite treat from Cold Stone Creamery (ohfudge!!)

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an evening at the movie with mom, dad and brother!

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gift from amma & appa (much craved for model!!)

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money from thatha & patti

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An awesome day and a happy birthday girl…

Happy B’day Girlie – On completing the last of the pre-teen years!

Dear Meg,

You turn 12 today. This morning as I walked into your room to wish you a happy b’day I saw sleeping in bed a beautiful girl who reminded me of a 9 pound baby born this day 12 years ago. You had a head full of hair and a calm face. You took the next few weeks in your stride as I drove the household crazy with my innumerable infections and trips to the hospital. You calmly accompanied me and spent the first few weeks of your life in the hospital while I was nursing myself back to health. You were the cynosure of all the nurses eyes in the hospital and they never failed to stop by to play with you. You took the bottle that grandma fed you with little fuss and made raising a newborn seem like a piece of cake.

Soon appa & I realized that you had a mind of your own when it came to food. You made your choices and stuck with it. Life with you was a breeze except for mealtimes and believe it or not you are still that way. They say that eating slow is the key to not adding weight and that seems to be true in your case for sure. Maybe instead of yelling at you for not finishing your food quickly I should eat each meal as long as you do. That would for sure make life intesresting. We would get little else accomplished Buyou will either t it was a pleasure watching you enjoy and try different foods on our recent vacation. And you always have space for anything chocolate placed in front of you. Watching you spend hours watching the Next Food Network Star makes me want to believe that some day you will either be a good cook or a food enthusiast who loves to try new foods…

You were an easy going kid and had no stranger anxiety. Appa and I loved the last minute decision we made to take you with us to Austria. We were both driving back from work to leave for our trip and somewhere along the way we looked at each other and knew what was on each others mind. We both knew we couldn’t leave you behind for a whole week. Just as we reached home, we let thatha & patti know that we were taking you along with us, we threw a suitcase together with your diapers and clothes 3 hours before our flight was scheduled to take off, bought your ticket at the check-in counter, bought your baby food at the London airport and had the most wonderful week as a family. Everyone at Appa’s conference loved you and we were the proud parents flaunting you to one and all. Looking back that was one of the best impromptu decisions Appa & I made

I will never forget the time I sent you to India with thatha and patti. I know you had fun spending time with them all in India but it devastated me when you failed to recognize me 2 months later. You taught me an important lesson. Never send you or Raul away from me for as long as I have the choice. Many a times patti would offer to take you home with her but after that one time, it was not even an option. I just wanted you to have the best care till I was comfortable sending you to the day care and if that meant sending you with thatha and patti for two months, I naively thought it wasn’t such a big deal. But when I saw you at the airport and realized that to you I was all but a stranger, the feeling in the pit of my stomach is one that will haunt me for the rest of my life as will the sight of you in tears when Appa and I left you at the day care on that very first day. The sight of those two moments are indelibly etched in memory and will accompany me to my grave.

Today, you’ve changed all of that. You give me all the love in the world and make me feel like the most important person. There is never a night when you forget to come to my room to kiss me goodnight. I often tell patti and my friends that Appa has so much trust in me that he never thinks to call me when I am out of the house. Not you. You like to know exactly where I am and will call me even if I get a little delayed in coming home. Patti often tells me that it is wonderful to have a daughter since she is the one who always cares and is there to think of mom and dad at any stage in life. I truly couldn’t agree more. You are gentle and loving to everyone (except your brother at times ) You are conscientious with your work and never have to be reminded of your school work. You are extremely creative — something that you didn’t get from either amma or appa. You understand my sarcasm and easily smile away when I tease you endlessly. Someday when you read this I hope you know that appa & I think you are a lovely daughter and we are truly blessed to have you in our life.

When you wonder why you don’t have my eyes or feet like mine, I wish there was a way I could just give them to you. Someone told me last week that your voice sounded just like mine on the phone and that brought a smile to my face. A good friend told me last week that she has seen many kids your age and thinks you are a lovely girl. I honestly can’t take any credit for that. I know how much you want a cell phone but you have never bugged me to get you one in spite of most of your friends owning one. You calmly asked me a few days back if you could have one before you started high school and I couldn’t help but feel proud of you.

As you complete 12 years and step into your teen years today, I want to wish you a lovely birthday. I know you want to be as tall as amma and I pray that you grow much taller than amma just like you effortlessly grew out of my shoe size. I have no doubts you will be a gorgeous girl and do us all proud. Just remember to keep your room clean and treat your brother nicely at all times I know that the rough years are on their way (I can already see glimpses…) and am counting on you to help me get through them with you not fighting me all the way!!!

Happy b’day darling!!

Love,

Amma

Out of the mouth of babes err boys…

Morning conversations between four 9 year olds as I chauffer them to their summer camp…

Conversation - First round

Kid A: I do 6th grade math in school (he is a 3rd grader!)

Kid B: I do 4th grade math. I even know the square root of -1.

Kid A: What is it?

Kid B: It is an imaginary number.

At this point, the three other kids are laughing and teasing him. I decided not interject at that point and made a mental note to check on his answer later (‘coz I know this kid a little too well!!) Just as expected he was totally right. Learned a lesson on imaginary numbers thanks to Kid A. Me thinks I was dozing in class when this lesson was taught. The rest of the boys for sure owe his an apology this evening.

Conversation – Round 2

Kid C: Did you know there is a number between 15 & 16?

Kid A: What is it?

Kid C: Dirfteen

Kid A: Really??

Now there was a kid pulling a fast one. Considering that kid was mine I decided to probe. Turns out that on the show iCarly, she uses this one to get back at the kid she tutors for being mean to her brother. Who would have thunk? Yet another math lesson err not (I guess more of glimpse into the world of TV they watch) !!

Conversation – Round 3

Kid C: We watched Transformers – Revenge of the Fallen yesterday!

Kid A: Cool. How was it?

Kid C &  B: Awesome! Optimus Prime dies!!!

Kid A: Really?

Kid C & B: Yeah but he comes back to life later!

Really?? I guess it’s not just Indian soaps that revive dead people

Conversation – Round 4

Me (as I drop the boys off at the camp): Boys, can you please drop your lunch sacks here and sign-in?

Kid A: Is it lunch time yet?

Me : huh??????

This week is going to be such a change in routine. Beats having to drive to work all by myself!!!