Tennis elbow or Lateral Epicondylitis

A few names for what has restricted my lifestyle the past few months. I have been wanting to write about this for a while now, partly as reference for myself (given the record breaking speed at which the memory cells are disappearing) lest I need it down the road (that is if I manage to get rid of it this time around!!) and maybe help some other poor soul who will find this information helpful. Those of you that have been privy to my occasional whining and moaning now get to read about all the sordid details as well. If this is of no interest to you, I would suggest you stop right here and look elsewhere for more interesting read.

I started having a slight nagging pain on the outside part of my elbow a few months back. I initially put it down to just a bruise from bumping my elbow someplace. It was baffling though that I had no recollection of bumping said elbow any place. After all, a pain that was persistent should have at least caused me to wince at the time I bumped it. The rest of the family was convinced as well that I had bumped it somehow and just didn’t realize it then. Hence topical bio freeze was applied generously to the elbow but little relief came from that. In addition I couldn’t touch any part of the elbow to pinpoint the exact location of the pain.

Thinking that this would eventually heal itself, I continued with my daily tasks with little thought to the pain except for when the pain would increase when I did certain motions. In a few weeks, it became painful to do some very mundane tasks. The hand could not be stretched straight down. I had to give it a slight bend to alleviate the pain. Lifting even a bunch of keys caused much pain except for when the elbow was bent. Suddenly simple tasks like pressing the car remote button, opening a bottle cap and twisting the hand in general turned extremely painful. I now realized I wasn’t going to be rid of this pain as easily.

It was a weekend and the OH and I were watching a movie when I suddenly had to read up on what all these symptoms could mean. I had by now realized that I needed medical intervention but being me had to do all my research before meeting the doctor. Thanks to Mr. Google I soon had a name for the symptoms I had been experiencing for weeks. Finally I got the doctor appointment to validate my research. At this juncture I was hoping the doctor to find a miraculous way of making the pain disappear (really!! I am stupid and optimistic that way.)

The doctor checked the arm out and prescribed exactly what was a text book option for tennis elbow,  viz. a cortisone shot. Considering the fact that my grandma was an asthma patient for the most part of her life and having seen the effects of cortisone on her, I for one am extremely paranoid about ingesting that substance in any form. I promised the doctor I would try pain killers for a couple of weeks before I signed up for the cortisone shot and bolted out of there as fast as my legs would take me.

After spending a few more weeks ingesting copious amounts of ibuprofen and heading nowhere, I was back to researching alternatives. People I talked to in and outside of work cautioned me against the cortisone shot and suggested that physical therapy was a great alternative that was mostly successful with little side effects other than forcing me to work at least one part of the body to be strong and heal

Soon I had a prescription from my doctor to get signed up for physical therapy. The sessions were available at the most convenient times after work and had minimal impact on my schedule.  The sessions themselves were extremely soothing to the elbow and not much exercise could be attempted with the pain level. Bio-freeze was spread using an ultrasound machine, the elbow was massaged and heat and cold pads were placed generously. This was followed by taping the hands with Kinesio tape to help restrict the motions and reduce exertion to said muscle and nerve.

The tape was modeled fashionably (NOT!) for the next few weeks but little relief came by after leaving the physical therapy center. This was followed by a marathon cooking weekend that did little to help heal the hurting elbow. After a eventful and busy weekend when I dragged self back for physical therapy my therapist took one look at the elbow and was convinced I needed some heavy duty medication. She suggested the iontophotoresis treatment. This process involves sticking a patch of cortisone to the injured elbow. When I tried to reason with her that the sole reason for my taking up physical therapy was to avoid the cortisone, she explained to me that this was a much mower dosage. While there was a 3 shot cap on the cortisone shot, there was a 10 treatment cap on the patch. She convinced me that this would give me the relief I was looking for. The technology was pretty amazing. When the cortisone and the alkaline are filled into the two parts of the patch, they start infusing the medicine through the skin and there isn’t the pain associated with the cortisone injection.

So I naively thought, until I walked out of the physical therapy center. The next couple of days were sheer torture. The hand hurt like hell and I had to ask for help at stores when I tried to run errands for basic groceries. Eventually it was time for my next session and I told my therapist I would have to stop my sessions if she expected me to take any more of that cortisone treatment. She insisted she had never heard of anyone being in such pain following that treatment and would have never recommended it if she had the slightest clue. Well, I guess now she has a new benchmark and some poor soul is going to be deprived of this treatment thanks to the way I reacted to it.

Where am I now? Right where I was a few months back, but just more informed regarding what hasn’t worked for me. After further research I am convinced the only treatment that is going to help is resting the elbow. The computer mouse has been shifted to the left arm, the only medications being consumed are vitamins to strengthen the nerves and heat and cold packs as needed. The left arm is working overtime and one can only pray that it stays strong to weather the beating it is being exposed to. There is now a bone spur, (meaning the bone juts out on the right elbow when the arm is bent) and the therapist assures me that it will recede once the scar tissues heal and new tissue forms over the bones and muscles. The therapy sessions are still on and at the end of this week I need to decide if it is worth pursuing the therapy. I am leaning towards continuing just to strengthen the arm in general, after all the abuse it has taken and my inability to lift even a single pound on that arm.

Ericha kozhambu

is something grandma cooks up when there are too many leftovers in small quantities. She whips it all together to make a pretty yummy dish. This post is an attempt at doing something similar…

To say the past few weeks and weekends have been crazy, chaotic and insane would be an understatement. Pulled off the puja and dinner fairly well. The food turned out pretty good and people in general had good stuff to say. Everyone helped doggy bag leftovers and that in turn meant we didn’t have to eat it day after day till we were sick of it. It also meant I hope that the food was decent enough to take home after the puja. Will download the pictures of the puja one of these days when I can get a few hours of free time over the weekend. Planning has started for the next puja to be held this coming week to celebrate the birthday of grandma and OH. This one will hopefully not have as many folks attending but from the signs will have about half the number.

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The entire week has been all about dressing up and visiting homes for manjal kumkumum and food. More food has been ingested than one can even imagine. Olympic level fitness training and exercising will be needed to shed the extra pounds that have found their way to the body. The agenda is to find time in all the madness for some fitness regime. As for visiting folks, I was mentioning to BFF this morning that in spite of having met the most people in the past week, I have felt the most lonely at the same time. The OH is crazy busy with work and there has been little family or friends time in all the chaos. Hopefully the next few weeks will bring some quiet time with family and extended family.

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Meg received her chalangai (goongru) from her bharatnatyam teacher yesterday. It was an exciting moment for both her and me. After 5 years of driving to dance classes we now move into the next level. Her teacher started her first varnam yesterday. Considering I live my dream of dancing through my baby, I am mighty excited for myself and her This is the year she indulged us in each house we visited by singing a song everyone the host requested her. This is a huge step forward for the shy girl who  threw hissy fits in years past. This year has also been more fun since she has willingly accompanied me to all the places I went for haldi kumkum, sometimes sitting in the car during the long drive, doing her homework! Thanks Meg. Dragging you along made these trips such fun

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This past weekend started the year of chess tournaments for Raul. Fortunately OH was available to accompany him this past week. Raul, this year is playing the next level and so will be challenged all the way. He didn’t win any trophies this week, but he know well that it’s not all about trophies and it’s more about playing a good game, doing his best and enjoying it the whole time. After having a super busy weekend, this little chipmuck told me yesterday, he was tired of not having even 2 hours to relax over the weekend. I told him he could have plenty if he gave up his chess tournaments knowing all too well he would never fall for that (mean mom, that’s me!!) And this was only because he had to accompany me for a puja last night since his dad had taken Meg to volleyball practice. After all the tantrums he wanted to stay longer and not leave until the host had made more paav to fill his tummy

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This is the last week of the first quarter of school. It’s all about tests, parent teacher meetings and the likes. Next week, the kids start their fall break and will be home for the next two weeks which means, it is time off for me from lunch boxes, timed bedtimes et al. At the end of the two weeks, it’s time for grandpa and grandma to leave. That I know will bring calm on one side and storm on the other

On the bright side of pain…

It is indeed sad state of affairs when the elbow pain you have been enduring for months now has a bright side. It means that the trip twice a week to the physical therapist who makes your one hour session feel heavenly with all the massaging, exercising, heat and cold therapy is done without an ounce of guilt.

Now for being able to do it without the guilt and without the pain, would be good for starters, don’t you think?

A festival of women, by women, for women*

Navarathri time was always a fun time growing up. We’d start planning at least a week in advance for the golu. The task of bringing down the toys from the attic above the bathroom always ended up on me. Having assumed the tomboy status at home, mom would send me up into the attic to stick my hand into the metal boxes to extract each bommai (idol/toy) that had been wrapped carefully the year before. The climb didn’t mean bring in a ladder and make your way up. The climb was always pseudo rock climbing. It starts by placing the leg on the handle of the bathroom door and making your way up by stepping on any item that gave you enough width to place your feet on. Mom would be waiting and watching anxiously to make sure I didn’t take a nasty fall (not that she could have saved me if did given each of our locations) But fortunately there weren’t any falls and the idols always made their way safely down to adorn the steps we would create for them. The various gods, goddesses and the toy cricket team would get to see the light of the day.

The steps were a whole different story. They were not ones that were the ready-made ones as available today. The steps were made from any furniture that could double up as a step for the nine days. Cardboard boxes, stools, small tables, bricks, wooden planks were all contenders and usually all of them won a spot for the nine days. After strategically arranging them, it was then time to confiscate dad’s veshtis/dhotis to wrap on top of the makeshift shelves to hide all the details that went into the creation of these steps. Thus emerged the five or seven or nine steps based on our creativity. The steps of course had to always be odd numbered.

While mom brainstormed the location of each idol, we were again asked to reach the various steps to place them at the selected spot. Mom being short vertically challenged depended on us to reach the top shelves to place the idols. The top shelves usually housed the bigger sized idols and as we came down each step the theme turned more casual. There were khajuraho dancers, dolls representing various states and other pieces of art as well. The one step that never changed was the bottom most step that was the home of the chettiyar mama/mami and their entire kitchen utensils and groceries.

Once the idols were placed in their spots, we then moved on to attend to the impromptu part of the golu decoration. This usually involved setting up the cricket ground, the park, the temple or some theme that caught our fancy that year. Creating the cricket ground meant creating an artificial turf, and temple meant placing the temple on top of a clay hill we built and sprinkling a few coriander/ fenugreek seeds to let them germinate and double up as a lawn in front of the temple or park as the case may be.

This was usually just the beginning. The next ten days involved walking to various homes to collect manjal kunkumum (haldi kumkum) along with yummy varieties of sundal and sweets. Now this walk to various houses was made more fun by dressing us up as various gods and goddesses when we were real young. My aunt and mom would dress us up as Krishna or goddess Lakshmi/Saraswathi and parade us round the streets to collect our goodies. I still remember days when after all the time spent dressing up; I would be fast asleep when it was time to make the rounds. Am sure even my daughter would find this a strange practice, but that was how it was and my siblings and I still carry some fun memories from those days. The navarathri culminated with celebrations for Saraswathi puja and Vijayadashami/Dasara.

Saraswathi puja day was always fun ‘coz we got to place all our books in front of Goddess Saraswathi and didn’t have to do any studying on this day. Vijayadashami ofcourse meant all those books that were placed in front of the god now had to be removed and read from. Vijayadashami was considered an auspicious day to begin any new venture. This year I will be taking Meg to both her music and dance teacher’s house to learn something new. Of course there is a surprise for Meg that day which I am hoping the capture live. It will be a treat for her and for me am sure.

Now many years later as Navarathri rolls around, I can’t help but go back many years and savor the childhood memories that this festival brings with it. Both my siblings continue the tradition. As for me, unfortunately OH’s mom & his family have had some bad experiences associated with this particular festival and hence his mom is pretty vehement that we not do the golu during navarathri. I don’t mind so much but when I see Meg want to have it at home so much, it breaks my heart. She gets to help out at my sister’s house when she is visiting but given the fact that my siblings live in places far away from us, this isn’t practical or possible each year.

So this year, wanting to do something for this festival, I reached out to the priest to come do a puja at home. What started as a simple puja has now blossomed into an occasion where I will be playing host for close to a 100 folks. The past few weeks have been a frenzy of activity shopping for the items needed for the puja and the food. Cooking will be by yours truly and am really looking forward to it. Rather than just invite people home to get haldi kumkum with no golu, they will now be part of the 2 hour long puja. In between all the preparations, I will need to head out to the homes of the people who have invited me for haldi kumkum as well. Plan is to start all the prep work (copping vegetables, frying, grinding masala) on Saturday and get to the actual cooking Sunday morning in time for the puja Sunday evening.

It’s going to be a challenge with the elbow still functioning at about 20%. The pain isn’t going to help. The physiotherapist has a tape plastered to my hand, which she is sure will alleviate the pain and restrict my motion and only time will tell how much this will help. Even this isn’t going to dampen my enthusiasm. I am certainly looking forward to meeting people I haven’t met since last navarathri, dressing up in all the pretty saris and jewelry and driving around town to see all the new themes for golu this year. Stay tuned for the details of the puja early next week. In the meanwhile, a happy navarathri to you all

* borrowed from the phrase government of the people, by the people, for the people from the Gettsburg Address.

WTH moment

Story is the same. Me doing the early morning commute. Traffic is slow. Speed not more than 20 miles/hour tops. There is road construction going on. The HOV lane is almost complete but has a few patches that need to be finished and hence is not yet open to public. As traffic crawls, I am listening to the NPR commentator interviewing an official in Iraq. Suddenly from the corner of my eye I watch this green SUV whizz past me in the to be opened HOV lane. He flies at neck breaking speed and almost towards the end of the spot where the lane ends, he merges into the regular lanes and moves on.

Other than wonder where the hell the cops were at times like this, I spent the whole time praying to the one above that there wasn’t a hapless soul putting his 8 hours constructing the lane as this moron went speeding with little care about laws, regulations or safety!! I am sure he didn’t stop for even a minute to think how potentially catastrophic this could have been. I looked at his license plate and almost wanted to call the cops on him, but knew that by the time the cop showed up, he’d be nowhere in sight and it would end up being his word against mine.

With such idiots driving, no wonder morning traffic is hell and painful…

Someone who means the world to me!!

• She is less than 5 feet tall but is looked up to all the time.
• She is someone who has devoted her life to raising her kids, even long after they have flown the nest.
• She is such an ardent devotee and believer in God that her kids believe her prayers carry way more strength than their own.
• She has more energy at 65 than most people do in their 20s.
• She is a self learned entrepreneur in her own right. She had a career before she gave it all up for her family. She didn’t regret it once but found time to hone her skills in her own way. So determined was she that she always found ways to make money for the little things she wanted for herself with minimal disruption to those in her care.
• She loves cooking, trying out new recipes and feeds people with a passion. She is one, who has forever cooked two meals, one for her husband and another for the rest of the family just to ensure the kids don’t grow up to be picky eaters.
• She raised her girls to be educated, strong and independent. She believed in giving them the best education, something that had eluded her in her youth.
• She started caring for her nieces and nephews in her teens and continues to raise her grandkids today 50 years later.
• Such was her zest for learning that she learned language & art alongside her children.
• She lived and managed a house filled with sports lovers but never got distracted from her other more important priorities J
• She still loves dressing her girls up and taking pride in the way they look.
• To her there is no state in between a teetotaler and a full-blown alcoholic.
• In all her worldly wisdom& experience, she is as naïve as can be.
• There is little she won’t do when her kids are in need of her help, be it sacrificing her home, life, family or money.
• She did more for her children from a single paycheck than many a folks did with twice as much, ensuring at the same time that she planned and provided for herself and dad for after the kids were settled.

In short, she is one hell of a lady and the best thing ever is that she’s my MOM!

As she turns 65 today, she’s just as feisty, excited, energetic and lovable as ever. There isn’t a day that goes that I don’t think about her and owe who I am today to her and my adorable dad J

Happy birthday Amma! You are simply the best. Like you always say, I pray & wish for you have the energy, stamina and the will to be the way you are forever and ever!!

Mother’s guilt diaries – Ek panna

Scenario 1:

Little girl has much homework and studies to do.  Her mom sits with her daughter and as she cooks and helps the child prepare for tests, exams and the like. Though she doesn’t understand much of what her daughter is studying she fakes it all along and learns with her child. She is there is encourage, motivate and punish as the situation warrants. She never forgets to wake the child up at unearthly hours to prepare for her exams. Be it feeding the child her food when she is studying or getting all the additional chores done to give the child extra time, she does it all. It also helps that she is a stay at home mom and her life revolves around the kids.

Scenario 2:

Fast forward 25 years. The little girl is now a mother. She works full-time and enjoys the challenge her career brings. She has her little daughter in school now. The child is enrolled in a pretty rigorous program and is pretty inundated with school work when she gets home. Mom clears out all extra curricular activities during the week to help child focus on her school work. Still it takes the child pretty late into the night to complete her work and study for the various tests she has to take. She likes to have her amma hang around till she is all done with her work and studies for the night.

Here comes the guilt. Mom is exhausted after a long day at work and running the other kid to his extra curricular activities and helping him with his homework since he is younger. Her eyes refuse to stay open and even if she does hang around her little girl, she does not have much patience left to be the sympathetic mom. She needs some “me” time to vegetate and recharge her cylinders before the onset of yet another exhausting new day. She thinks of the luxury she enjoyed with a stay at home mom and wishes the same for her daughter as well. But she also knows how much her mom sacrificed to be there for them and she regrets to this day the fact that her mom never had the opportunity to grow to her full potential. Her mom is one hell of an entrepreneur but never had the opportunity to excel at her strengths.

But of course none of this helps assuage her guilt. She endures the guilt each day. She tries to spend a little bit to her time each day with her eyes clipped open watching them work but mostly gives up and ends up in bed. She does though most days stay up until the kids are done with their work and are safely tucked into their bed.

Any of you face these guilt pangs? Am I just the worst mom ever for leaving them to study on their own? Should I be trying harder to stay awake and keep them company? These are some pretty easy questions that pop into my head each day. I have even tried doing some of my favorite activities while they are doing their homework but am too tired to enjoy any of it. I know the kids will adapt but will I ever???

Potpourri

All this silence. I think this is the longest I have been away from this home in the recent past. To me that’s really what this space is. It gives me the comfort of home and the independence to vent and the pleasure of sharing my joys not to mention the joy of meeting lovely people and also notating daily pleasures and angsts that go unnoticed and forgotten otherwise from this fast receding memory.

So what’s been happening. Life in general has been chaotic. Work has been busy. The long drive to meet family and friends was fun and exhausting. After all a vacation when you sleep less than a regular week day is pretty depressing. But if that means you have spent those hours catching up with near and dear friends, it is so worth it, don’t you think? But the darn age catches up and reminds you that lack of sleep equates to a more grouchy you and leaves open the doors for all kinds of aches and pains to make their way into your life. So this week has been more a catch up of being gone for 5 days. The mounds of laundry are yet to be attacked and have already occupied top status on the to do list for this weekend. This of course is in addition to the 80 mile long drive that needs to be done two straight days for the daughter’s dance class. When she is a dancing pro and isn’t stuck with two left feet like amma and appa, she will have me to thank and I shall accept graciously

Highlights of the trip over the long weekend

• Meet family and welcome the new babies into the mad family – Check
• Meet friends who left my neighborhood in search of greener pasteurs – Check
• Let kids enjoy a sleepover with their friends without the interfering parents – Check
• Meet ex-colleague and hang out with her at a Starbucks at 6:30 in the morning thinking we were going to attempt a hike only to watch the plans slip away. Atleast the hot chocolate and bagel worked – Check
• Meet a fellow blogger who made this whole trip something to look forward to – Check.

Of course, that needs some elaboration — We had such a blast. This was the first time I was coming face to face with someone who I knew only through our words. Her kids are such darlings that now I have an idea how she pulls off everything that she does in one day. I envied her for her fitness. All that work out really shows well. We chatted like we’ve known each other forever. It’s now her turn to visit me in my town. In case you all still haven’t guessed this person, she is the one and only Asaan, the supermom of four who actually finds time amidst raising the kids to work out, shop and dress cool and post lovely pictures practically every single day.

Last but not the least, I got to spend time with my aunt, this super cool lady who loves to pamper and did just just for the entire time I stayed with her. She cooked my favorite food and indulged us no end.

Hopefully life will be a little calmer the month of October. The next two weeks in September is going to disappear with all the navarathri celebrations and invitations. Stay tuned on more of that in the coming week.

Unconditional Love

The joy in their voice is hard to miss, the cheer is the conversation is heartwarming, gone are the signs of boredom. The water is running again, the house is cleaned, the maid has been found, the cable has been activated, the phone is now connected, groceries have been purchased, the vehicles have been picked up and cooking has resumed at record speed. After all nothing comes close to being back in your own home…

…but they will be only too happy to give it all up, pack their bags and do it all over again if any one of their children call and say they need them.